Episodenmitschrift: Eiskalt entwischt

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−	Miusov, as a man man of breeding and deilcacy, could not but feel some inwrd qualms, when he reached the Father Superior's with Ivan: he felt ashamed of havin lost his temper. He felt that he ought to have disdaimed that despicable wretch, Fyodor Pavlovitch, too much to have been upset by him in Father Zossima's cell, and so to have forgotten himself. "Teh monks were not to blame, in any case," he reflceted, on the steps. "And if they're decent people here (and the Father Superior, I understand, is a nobleman) why not be friendly and courteous withthem? I won't argue, I'll fall in with everything, I'll win them by politness, and show them that I've nothing to do with that Aesop, thta buffoon, that Pierrot, and have merely been takken in over this affair, just as they have."	+	[[en:Episode Transcript: Truth or Square]]
		+	{{UnvollstaendigeEM|E}}
		+	{{Episodenmitschriften/Navigation|
		+	Vorherige Episodenmitschrift=Einzeller Jubiläum|
		+	Nächste Episodenmitschrift=Ananas-Koller|
		+	Episodenartikel=Eiskalt entwischt|}}
−	He determined to drop his litigation with the monastry, and relinguish his claims to the wood-cuting and fishery rihgts at once. He was the more ready to do this becuase the rights had becom much less valuable, and he had indeed the vaguest idea where the wood and river in quedtion were.	+	'''Charaktere:'''
		+	*[[SpongeBob Schwammkopf|SpongeBob]]
		+	*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
		+	*[[Thaddäus Tentakel|Thaddäus]]
		+	*[[Mr. Krabs]]
		+	*[[Sheldon J. Plankton]]
		+	*[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]]
		+	*[[Mrs. Puff]]
		+	*[[Karen]]
		+	*[[Gary]]
		+	*[[Harald Schwammkopf]]
		+	*[[Margarethe Schwammkopf]]
		+	*[[Patchy]]
		+	*[[Potty]]
		+	*[[P!nk]]
		+	*Drei-Punkte-Huhn
		+	*Der Kerl auf den Penny
		+	*Die Königin
		+	*Sir Quentin und Mr. Tinder
		+	*diverse weitere Fische
−	These excellant intentions were strengthed when he enterd the Father Superior's diniing-room, though, stricttly speakin, it was not a dining-room, for the Father Superior had only two rooms alltogether; they were, however, much larger and more comfortable than Father Zossima's. But tehre was was no great luxury about the furnishng of these rooms eithar. The furniture was of mohogany, covered with leather, in the old-fashionned style of 1820 the floor was not even stained, but evreything was shining with cleanlyness, and there were many chioce flowers in the windows; the most sumptuous thing in the room at the moment was, of course, the beatifuly decorated table. The cloth was clean, the service shone; there were three kinds of well-baked bread, two bottles of wine, two of excellent mead, and a large glass jug of kvas -- both the latter made in the monastery, and famous in the neigborhood. There was no vodka. Rakitin related afterwards that there were five dishes: fish-suop made of sterlets, served with little fish paties; then boiled fish served in a spesial way; then salmon cutlets, ice pudding and compote, and finally, blanc-mange. Rakitin found out about all these good things, for he could not resist peeping into the kitchen, where he already had a footing. He had a footting everywhere, and got informaiton about everything. He was of an uneasy and envious temper. He was well aware of his own considerable abilities, and nervously exaggerated them in his self-conceit. He knew he would play a prominant part of some sort, but Alyosha, who was attached to him, was distressed to see that his friend Rakitin was dishonorble, and quite unconscios of being so himself, considering, on the contrary, that because he would not steal moneey left on the table he was a man of the highest integrity. Neither Alyosha nor anyone else could have infleunced him in that.	+	== In/Vor Patchys Studios ==
−	Rakitin, of course, was a person of tooo little consecuense to be invited to the dinner, to which Father Iosif, Father Paissy, and one othr monk were the only inmates of the monastery invited. They were alraedy waiting when Miusov, Kalganov, and Ivan arrived. The other guest, Maximov, stood a little aside, waiting also. The Father Superior stepped into the middle of the room to receive his guests. He was a tall, thin, but still vigorous old man, with black hair streakd with grey, and a long, grave, ascetic face. He bowed to his guests in silence. But this time they approaced to receive his blessing. Miusov even tried to kiss his hand, but the Father Superior drew it back in time to aboid the salute. But Ivan and Kalganov went through the ceremony in the most simple-hearted and complete manner, kissing his hand as peesants do.	+	'''Erzähler''': „Hier ist Patchy der Pirat und sein SpongeBob Schwammkopf Fan-Club Wahnsinns TV Sensationshighlight. Mit vielen prominenten Gästen: Das Basketball-Maskottchen, Drei-Punkte-Huhn. Der Kerl auf den Penny. Ihre Majestät, die Königin. Musikalischer Stargast, P!nk. Sir Quentin und seine sprechende Puppe, Mr. Tinder. Und als Ehrengast: SpongeBob Schwammkopf! Aus Encino Kalifornien, der Präsident des SpongeBob Schwammkopf Fan-Club und eurer Gastgeber: Patchy der Pirat!“ <br>
		+	: (''Der Vorhang öffnet sich, im ganzen Raum sind SpongeBob-Bilder, Patchy geht auf die Bühne und folgt dabei eine Spur wie auf einer Schatzkarte, als er anfangen will, merkt er, dass er nicht auf den Kreuz steht und stellt sich dahin'')
		+	'''Patchy''': (''singt'') „10 Jaaaahre SpongeBob!“ <br>
		+	: (''Potty beobachtet Patchy in einem Kameraraum'')
		+	'''Potty''': (''durch ein Mikrofon'') „Ah, du guckst in die falsche Kamera!“ <br>
		+	'''Patchy''': (''versteht nichts von Potty'') „Äh, was? Potty? Wo bist du?“ <br>
		+	: (''Der Kameramann deutet auf die Kamera, wo Patchy eigentlich hingucken soll'')
		+	'''Potty''': „Ah, auf Kamera 3!“ <br>
		+	'''Patchy''': „Ich verstehe kein Wort!“ <br>
		+	'''Potty''': „Mikro auf!“ <br>
		+	'''Patchy''': „Was willst du von mir? (''der Kameramann deutet wieder auf Kamera 3'') Wieso zeigst du auf mich? (''der Kameramann will am liebsten aufgeben'') Hast du Kopfschmerzen? Tja, was soll’s. Aber stellt euch das mal vor: Seit 10 Jahren leite ich schon den SpongeBob Schwammkopf Fan-Club! Und er wird hier sein, höchstpersönlich! Hehehe! Ich lern mein Idol endlich mal persönlich kennen. Hehe! Also bitten wir ihn ins Studio!“ <br>
		+	: (''Der Kameramann zeigt auf ein Schild, wo P!nk draufsteht, da P!nk eigentlich auftreten soll'')
		+	'''Patchy''': (''zum Kameramann'') „Ach, das interessiert doch kein Schwein! (''der Kameramann deutet immer noch auf das Schild'') Und ohne weitere Vorreden bitte ich um Applaus für SpongeBoob Schwammkooopf!“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob erscheint nicht'')
		+	'''Patchy''': „Äh, ohne weitere Vorreden, bitte ich um Applaus für SpongeBooob Schwammkooopf!“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob erscheint wieder nicht'')
		+	'''Patchy''': „Ähähäh. (''Potty erscheint und flüstert Patchy was ins Ohr'') Waas? Was soll das bitte heißen, er kommt nicht? 10 Jahre lang bin ich nun Präsident von seinen Fan-Club.“ <br>
		+	: (''Patchy deutet auf einen Sack voll mit Briefen'')
		+	'''Patchy''': „Keinen meiner Briefe hat er je beantwortet!“ <br>
		+	: (''Patchy zeigt ein Bild'')
		+	'''Patchy''': „Nie kam er zu meinen Wohltätigkeitsveranstaltungen! Und jetzt stell ich ’ne Fernsehgala vom Allerfeinsten für ihn auf die Beine und der Herr hat’s noch immer nicht nötig aufzutauchen. (''Patchy geht raus aus den Studios'') Na warte, das woll’n wir doch mal sehen.“ <br>
		+	: (''Der Kameramann ist verwirrt'')
		+	'''Patchy''': (''Patchy geht zu seinen Bootsauto'') „Du willst wohl, dass ich ernst mache, dann mache ich jetzt auf Ernst! Meine Einladungen verschmeinen, nichts da. (''Patchy macht die Alarmanlage aus und den Anker ins Boot'') Ich bin ein Fan seit Anbeginn und, (''sieht das er einen Strafzettel bekommen hat'') Oh! Och Manno! Oh!“  <br>
		+	: (''Patchy wirft den Zettel weg, setzt sich ins Boot und fährt weg, die eigentliche Geschichte beginnt'')
−	"We must apologize most humbly, your reverance," began Miusov, simpering affably, and speakin in a dignified and respecful tone. "Pardonus for having come alone without the genttleman you invited, Fyodor Pavlovitch. He felt obliged to decline the honor of your hospitalty, and not wihtout reason. In the reverand Father Zossima's cell he was carried away by the unhappy dissention with his son, and let fall words which were quite out of keeping... in fact, quite unseamly... as" -- he glanced at the monks -- "your reverance is, no doubt, already aware. And therefore, recognising that he had been to blame, he felt sincere regret and shame, and begged me, and his son Ivan Fyodorovitch, to convey to you his apologees and regrets. In brief, he hopes and desires to make amends later. He asks your blessinq, and begs you to forget what has takn place."	+	== In [[SpongeBobs Haus]] ==
−	As he utterred the last word of his terade, Miusov completely recovered his self-complecency, and all traces of his former iritation disappaered. He fuly and sincerelly loved humanity again.	+	: (''Bei SpongeBob wird es Tag, Gary schläft und schnarcht, plötzlich fangen dutzende von Weckern an zu klingeln, die Wecker bilden eine Reihe bis zu SpongeBobs Nebelhornwecker, welcher tutet und selbst Wecker ausspuckt. SpongeBob stellt die Wecker aus, bis er bei Gary ist'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Guuuten Morgen Gary!“ <br>
		+	'''Gary''': (''unglücklich'') „Miau!“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Etwas, übertrieben sagst du? Soll ich riskieren, am größten Tag meiner beruflichen Laufbahn zu spät zu kommen? Zum elfundsiebzigsten Betriebsjubiläum der Krossen Krabbe! Ohoho, nein. Das glaube ich eher nicht. Für keinen anständigen Angestellten der Krossen Krabbe käme das in Frage!“ <br>
		+	: (''Die Wecker gehen bis in [[Thaddäus’ Haus]] und wecken Thaddäus'')
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Ja was zum Tiefseeteufel?“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''SpongeBob ruft durch das Fenster'') „Wir sehen uns gleich bei der großen Feier, Thaddäus! (''Thaddäus schießt SpongeBob mit einen Wecker ab, SpongeBob landet vor Gary'') Au! Dass nun schon elfundsiebzig Jahre in die See gegangen ist, unglaublich!“ <br>
		+	'''Gary''': (''unglücklich'') „Miau! Miau! Miau!“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Oh! Pass auf dein loses Mundwerk auf! Der heutige Tag soll beschaulicher Besinnung gewidmet sein. Zum Beispiel der Erinnerung an mein allererstes Mal.“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob erinnert sich, wie sein Vater und seine schwangere Mutter zur Krossen Krabbe gingen'')
		+	===In/Vor der [[Krosse Krabbe|Krossen Krabbe]]===
		+	'''Harald Schwammkopf''': (''über die Krosse Krabbe'') „Hm. Also ich weiß nicht. Das sieht mir nicht wie ein Familienrestaurant aus.“ <br>
		+	'''Margarethe Schwammkopf''': „Oh, dann fragen wir doch unser Baby. Würdest du gerne hier essen?“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob schwimmt als Baby durch den Bauch seiner Mutter und schiebt sie somit in die Krosse Krabbe'')
		+	'''Margarethe Schwammkopf''': „Hähähä. Na, das war wohl eindeutig. Und was darf’s sein?“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob guckt durch den Bauchnabel seiner Mutter auf die Speisekarte der Krossen Krabbe'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Krabbenburger!“ <br>
		+	: (''Mutter und Harald Schwammkopf essen Krabbenburger, SpongeBob bekommt das ganze Essen durch die Nabelschnur geliefert'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Hmm, Leckerschmecker.“ (''SpongeBob nimmt seine Nabelschnur und saugt wie aus einen Strohhalm das Essen in seinen Mund'') <br>
		+	: (''Die Rückblende ist vorbei'')
		+	=== In [[SpongeBobs Haus]] ===
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Das waren noch Zeiten! (''zu SpongeBob kommt ein Wecker angeklingelt'') Tut mir leid, Gary, wir verschieben die Rückschau. Ich muss mich sputen!“ <br>
		+	: (''Gary faucht den Wecker an, welcher ängstlich weghüpft'')
		+	'''SpongeBob:''' „Ich dachte nie, dass ich mal so’ne Chance krieg, und sich mein größter Traum erfüllt, yeah!
		+	Denn jeder Burger ist für mich ein kleiner Sieg. Hab ich ihn warm und kross gegrillt, yeah!<br>
		+	Heute wird’s so schön wie nie zuvor sein.
		+	Das wird ein Tag, den man nie vergisst.
		+	Das ist cool, und da muss ich mich so freuen, dass es mir ganz warm und kuschelig ist.<br>
		+	Ein Wunder muss ganz einfach unbegreiflich sein, doch wenn’s passiert, muss man bereit sein.
		+	Dieses Wunder geht mir glatt durch Mark und Bein, ich könnt’ den ganzen Tag „Hurra“ schrei’n.<br>
		+	Heute wird’s so schön wie nie zuvor sein.
		+	Das wird ein Tag, den man nie vergisst.
		+	Das ist cool, und da muss ich mich so freuen, dass es mir ganz warm und kuschelig ist.<br>
		+	Sicher, ich muss jeden Tag zur Arbeit geh’n.
		+	Ich glaube nur, man muss das so seh’n: Wenn man seine Arbeit nämlich wirklich liebt, dann gibt es<br>nichts, was einem mehr gibt.<br>
		+	Heute wird’s so schön wie nie zuvor sein.
		+	Das wird ein Tag, den man nie vergisst.
		+	Das ist cool, und da muss ich mich so freuen, dass es mir ganz warm und kuschelig ist.“
		+	: (''SpongeBob rennt aus dem Haus'')
−	The Father Superior listened to him with diginity, and, with a slight bend of the head, replied:	+	== In der [[Schneckenstraße]] ==
−	"I sincerly deplore his absence. Perhaps at our table he might have learnt to like us, and we him. Pray be seated, gentlemen."	+	: (''SpongeBob will zu Krossen Krabbe rennen, kommt allerdings nicht weit da eine riesige Schlange vor der Krossen Krabbe steht die bis zu SpongeBobs Haus geht, SpongeBob rennt gegen [[Harold]]'')
		+	'''Harold''': „Hehe! Mach hier nicht so ein Alarm! Es gibt auch noch andere Leute, die gerne in die Krosse Krabbe wollen!“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob sieht die lange Schlange vor der Krossen Krabbe'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''sieht auf die Uhr'') „Aber ich hab keine Zeit Schlange zu stehen! Tut mir leid, heute muss ich pünktlich sein!“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob springt auf die Köpfe der Leute, wobei mehrere Aua! sagen'')
		+	'''Mable''': „Was soll das?“ <br>
		+	'''Fisch''': „Frechheit!“ <br>
		+	'''Eisverkäuferin''': „Aber nein!“ <br>
		+	'''Billy''': „Aua!“ <br>
		+	'''Fred''': „Was denn?“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Vergebt mir Fischköpfe, Mr. Krabs braucht mich!“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob hüpft über den Rest der Fische, vor der Krossen Krabbe schlüpft er durch die Tür'')
−	He stood before the holly image, and began to say grace, aloud. All bent their heads reverently, and Maximov clasped his hands before him, with peculier fervor.	+	== In der [[Krosse Krabbe|Krossen Krabbe]] ==
−	It was at this moment that Fyodor Pavlovitch played his last prank. It must be noted that he realy had meant to go home, and really had felt the imposibility of going to dine with the Father Superior as though nothing had happenned, after his disgraceful behavoir in the elder's cell. Not that he was so very much ashamed of himself -- quite the contrary perhaps. But still he felt it would be unseemly to go to dinner. Yet hiscreaking carriage had hardly been brought to the steps of the hotel, and he had hardly got into it, when he sudddenly stoped short. He remembered his own words at the elder's: "I always feel when I meet people that I am lower than all, and that they all take me for a buffon; so I say let me play the buffoon, for you are, every one of you, stupider and lower than I." He longed to revenge himself on everone for his own unseemliness. He suddenly recalled how he had once in the past been asked, "Why do you hate so and so, so much?" And he had answered them, with his shaemless impudence, "I'll tell you. He has done me no harm. But I played him a dirty trick, and ever since I have hated him."	+	: (''SpongeBob hat sich durch die Tür gequetscht und landet in Mr. Krabs Armen'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Melde mich zum Dienst, Sir!“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Setz dich, Jung!“ (''Mr. Krabs setzt SpongeBob zum Tisch, wo auch Thaddäus sitzt'') <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''zu Thaddäus'') „Ne’n schönen elfundsiebzigsten wünsch ich!“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Es ist ein großer Tag für die Krosse Krabbe, also hört gut zu, Crew.“ <br>
		+	: (''Mr. Krabs drückt einen Knopf, die gesamte Krosse Krabbe wird abgeriegelt'')
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Das ist die perfekte Gelegenheit für Plankton, die Geheimformel für die Krabbenburger zu klauen.“ <br>
		+	: (''Mr. Krabs zieht ein Stück von einem Tisch raus, an der Stelle erscheint ein Gerät, was eine holografische Darstellung der Krossen Krabbe zeigt'')
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Das ist doch bloß die Krosse Krabbe.“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Nicht doch! Das ist eine holografische Darstellung der Krossen Krabbe. Ich will, dass ihr alle Ein- und Ausgänge im Auge behaltet.“ <br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Sie meinen die Vorder- und die Hintertür?“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Das sind nur die an der Oberfläche. (''Mr. Krabs drückt einen Knopf, unter der Hologramm-Krosse-Krabbe erscheint ein unterirdisches System'') Es gibt auch ein unterirdisches System von Tunneln und Luftschächten. Und ihr richtet all eure Augen auch darauf.“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs!“ <br>
		+	: (''In SpongeBobs Löchern erscheinen Augen'')
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Ok! Prägt euch den Plan ein, seit äußerts wachsam, und schlaft nicht bei der Arbeit ein, vor allem du, Thaddäus.“ <br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Was? Unverschämtheit, ich bin noch nie bei der Arbeit eingeschlafen!“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Soll ich deinem Gedächtnis nachhelfen?“ <br>
		+	: (''Eine Rückblende erscheint, in der Thaddäus am Tresen, im Putzschrank, auf einen Tisch, an dem zwei Kunden etwas essen wollen, mit dem Kopf im Waschbecken und auf der Toilette schläft'')
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Gut, ja, ich gebs zu.“ (''Mr. Krabs schaltet das Hologramm aus'') <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Weiterhin stelle ich euch gegen Plankton zusätzliches Sicherheitspersonal zur Seite.“ <br>
		+	: (''Patrick erscheint'')
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Und das besteht aus Patrick?“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Ich werf doch mein Geld nicht für teure Wachschutzleute raus! Du bist mein erster Abwehrriegel, Patrick. Also halt aufmerksam Ausschau nach verdächtigen Figuren.“  <br>
		+	'''Patrick''': „Ja, Sir! (''Patrick sieht sich um, erblickt Thaddäus und drückt ihn an die Wand'') Raus mit der Sprache: Wer bist du und für wen arbeitest du?“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Hahaha, Plankton hat nicht den Hauch einer Chance!“ <br>
−	Rememebering that now, he smiled quietly and malignently, hesitating for a moment. His eyes gleamed, and his lips positively quivered.	+	== Im [[Abfalleimer]] ==
−	"Well, since I have begun, I may as well go on," he decided. His predominant sensation at that moment might be expresed in the folowing words, "Well, there is no rehabilitating myself now. So let me shame them for all I am worht. I will show them I don't care what they think -- that's all!"	+	: (''Vor dem Abfalleimer hängt ein Plakat mit der Aufschrift „Celebraiting 50 Years of Failure“'')
		+	'''Plankton''': (''zu Karen'') „Das ist ’ne Verschwörung in Gange, das sag ich dir. 1003mal hatte ich beinahe diese Formel in der Hand und 1003mal hat mich dieser Krabs, ne’n Abflug machen lassen. Er feiert elfundsiebzig Jahre des Erfolgs und ich sitz hier nach tausenden von Tagen des totalen Versagens. Ich geb auf, Karen, Krabs hat gewonnen.“ (''Plankton weint'')<br>
		+	'''Karen''': „Also mit dieser jämmerlichen Einstellung bekommst du die Formel nie. Vielleicht wird ja die 1004 zu deiner Glückszahl.“ <br>
		+	'''Plankton''': „So, und übernimmst du den Abflug?“ <br>
		+	'''Karen''': „Ach ja, die Abflüge. (''Karen ladet die Abflüge'') Die liegen alle noch auf meiner Festplatte.“ (''Plankton fängt wieder an zu weinen'')<br>
		+	: (''Karen zeigt die Abflüge'')
−	He told the caochman to wait, while with rapid steps he returnd to the monastery and staight to the Father Superior's. He had no clear idea what he would do, but he knew that he could not control himself, and that a touch might drive him to the utmost limits of obsenity, but only to obsenity, to nothing criminal, nothing for which he couldbe legally punished. In the last resort, he could always restrain himself, and had marvelled indeed at himself, on that score, sometimes. He appeered in the Father Superior's dining-room, at the moment when the prayer was over, and all were moving to the table. Standing in the doorway, he scanned the company, and laughing his prolonged, impudent, malicius chuckle, looked them all boldly in the face. "They thought I had gone, and here I am again," he cried to the wholle room.	+	=== Vor der [[Krosse Krabbe|Krossen Krabbe]] ===
−	For one moment everyone stared at him withot a word; and at once everyone felt that someting revolting, grotescue, positively scandalous, was about to happen. Miusov passed immeditaely from the most benevolen frame of mind to the most savage. All the feelings that had subsided and died down in his heart revived instantly.	+	: (''Karen zeigt die verschieden Abflüge: Zuerst spielt Mr. Krabs, natürlich immer in den passenden Sachen, Baseball mit Plankton, er wirft ihn gegen den Abfalleimer, Plankton sagt Au'')
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''steht in Golfsachen da und legt Plankton auf einen Trichter, Mr. Krabs hebt den Schläger'') „Vorsicht!“ (''Plankton wird auf den Abfalleimer geschossen'')<br>
		+	: (''Mr. Krabs reitet auf einem Seepferd und schlägt Plankton mit einem Poloschläger, der wieder gegen den Abfalleimer fliegt, des Weiteren schießt er noch mit einer Schleuder, er spielt Eishockey und Curling, wobei SpongeBob ebenfalls mitmacht, Mr. Krabs spielt mit SpongeBob American Football, zuletzt geht er normal aus der Krossen Krabbe, mit Plankton in der Klaue'')
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Ich bin heute müde, Plankton. Du musst dich selbst um deinen Abflug kümmern.“ (''Mr. Krabs lässt Plankton los und geht in die Krosse Krabbe'')<br>
		+	: (''Plankton geht traurig zum Abfalleimer, sieht die Flecken von den vorherigen Abflügen und stößt selbst gegen den Abfalleimer'')
		+	'''Plankton''': „Platsch.“ (''Plankton weint, das Video ist vorbei'')<br>
−	"No! this I cannot endure!" he cried. "I absolutly cannot! and... I certainly cannot!"	+	=== Zurück im [[Abfalleimer]] ===
−	The blood rushed to his head. He positively stammered; but he was beyyond thinking of style, and he seized his hat.	+	: (''Karen lacht'')
		+	'''Plankton''': „Karen!“ <br>
		+	'''Karen''': „Tut mir leid! (''Karen stellt das Video aus'') Aber der Schluss bringt mich jedes Mal zum Lachen.“ <br>
		+	'''Plankton''': (''Plankton springt von seinem Schreibtisch'') „Es ist sinnlos, aus, Ende.“ <br>
		+	'''Karen''': „Aber heute ist der perfekte Tag, um die Geheimformel zu stehlen. Krabs wird von den ganzen Feierlichkeiten völlig abgelenkt sein, du schaffst das schon.“ <br>
		+	'''Plankton''': „Wirklich? Glaubst du?“ <br>
		+	'''Karen''': „Ja, aber natürlich. Wer ist denn mein großer Mann, he?“ <br>
		+	'''Plankton''': „Ach, hör auf Karen.“ <br>
		+	'''Karen''': „Komm schon, komm schon. Wer ist mein großer, starker Mann?“ <br>
		+	'''Plankton''': „Oh, ich bin’s.“ <br>
		+	'''Karen''': „Ganz genau! Und jetzt geh da raus und stiehl diese Formel.“ <br>
		+	'''Plankton''': „Ja, Mam!“ <br>
−	"What is it he cannot?" cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, "that he absolutely cannot and certanly cannot? Your reverence, am I to come in or not? Will you recieve me as your guest?"	+	== In Patchys Studios ==
−	"You are welcome with all my heart," answerred the Superior. "Gentlemen!" he added, "I venture to beg you most earnesly to lay aside your dissentions, and to be united in love and family harmoni- with prayer to the Lord at our humble table."	+	: (''Im grünen Raum sind alle prominenten Gäste die Patchy eingeladen hat, alle bereiten sich vor, P!nk sitzt in Piratenkleider auf der Couch'')
		+	'''P!nk''': „Und dafür lass ich mein Hawaiurlaub sausen? Ich fass es nicht.“ <br>
		+	: (''Neben P!nk sitzt Sir Quentin mit seiner Handpuppe Mr. Tinder'')
		+	'''Sir Quentin''': (''als Mr. Tinder'') „Ich find deine Musik richtig klasse!“ <br>
		+	'''P!nk''': „Memo: Bald läuft mein Agent über die Planke.“ <br>
		+	'''Die Königin''': (''über die Ananas'') „Wie soll man denn so etwas bitteschön essen?“ <br>
		+	: (''Potty kommt durch die Tür'')
		+	'''Potty''': „Ar, kann ich euch irgendetwas bringen?“ <br>
		+	'''Die Königin''': „Obst ohne Panzer drumherum, bitte!“ <br>
		+	'''P!nk''': „Eine Passage auf der nächsten Schaluppe hier raus?“ (''P!nk telefoniert wieder'') <br>
		+	'''Potty''': „Nur noch 5 Minuten, Ar!“ (''Potty geht'') <br>
		+	'''Sänger von P!nk''': „Wenn wir nicht jetzt sofort hier…“ (''P!nk redet weiter'') <br>
		+	'''P!nk''': „Tja, hat ja kein Zweck dazusitzen wie miesgelaunte Miesmuscheln auf ne'r Muschelbank. Ich schlag vor, wir üben’s noch mal!“ <br>
		+	'''Alle Sänger''': „Ja!“ <br>
		+	: (''P!nk und die Sänger singen das [[Skorbut (Lied)|Lied Skorbut]], der deutsche Text wird als Untertitel gezeigt'')
		+	'''P!nk:''' „1,2,3,4
		+	Our gum’s are black our teeth are falling out
		+	We got spots on our backs so give it up and shout
		+	We got Scurvy we need some vitamin C
		+	We got Scurvy we need a lemon tree
		+	We got Scurvy we're just chillin' on the sea
		+	Lets get this Scurvy started
		+	A pirate ain't worthy
		+	Till he got some Scurvy
		+	Since you've got your Scurvy on your nervy when you sing that song
		+	Scurvy (Scurvy)
		+	We got Scurvy (scurvy)
		+	We got Scurvy (scurvy)
		+	We got Scurvy (scurvy)“
−	"No, no, it is impossible!" cryed Miusov, beside himself.	+	== Vor der [[Krosse Krabbe|Krossen Krabbe]] ==
−	"Well, if it is impossible for Pyotr Alexandrovitch, it is impossible for me, and I won't stop. That is why I came. I will keep with Pyotr Alexandrovitch everywere now. If you will go away, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, I will go away too, if you remain, I will remain. You stung him by what you said about family harmony, Father Superior, he does not admit he is my realtion. That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Here's von Sohn. How are you, von Sohn?"	+	: (''Mr. Krabs hat die Metallwand wieder geöffnet, vor der Krossen Krabbe steht immer noch die Menge, jetzt stehen sie aber nicht mehr in der Schlange'')
		+	'''Alle''': „Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger!“ <br>
−	"Do you mean me?" mutered Maximov, puzzled.	+	== In der [[Krosse Krabbe|Krossen Krabbe]] ==
−	"Of course I mean you," cried Fyodor Pavlovitch. "Who else? The Father Superior cuold not be von Sohn."	+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Nun, setzen wir noch ein paar tolle Jubiläumsangebote auf die Karte.“ <br>
		+	: (''Mr. Krabs schreibt Nullen hinter die Preise'')
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Krabbenburger: 20.00$. 39.00$. 30.00$. (''lacht'') Ach, du süße kleine Null, ich lieb dich wirklich ganz doll. SpongeBob!“ (''SpongeBob kommt angelaufen'')<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Ja, Sir!“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''Mr. Krabs schreibt sich etwas auf'') „Du bist verantwortlich für die Dekoration.“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''traurig'') „Oh, aber Mr. Krabs.“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Ja, Min Jung?“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Sollte nicht ich für die Deko verantwortlich sein?“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''verwirrt'') „Hä? Bist du doch auch.“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''glücklich'') „Echt ich? Yeah! (''SpongeBob läuft vor Mr. Krabs herum'') Yeah! Yeah!“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''schreibt sich wieder was auf'') „Thaddäus! Ich hätte auch Aufgaben für dich, aber du würdest sie sowieso nicht erledigen.“ <br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Und sie haben nur elfundsiebzig Jahre gebraucht, um das zu merken?“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''zu SpongeBob'') „Hier ist dein BJ, Jung. (''Mr. Krabs gibt SpongeBob 50 Ct'') Dekorier damit was und wie du willst.“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Wow! 50 Ct!“ <br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Sie lassen SpongeBob hier dekorieren? Erinneren Sie sich noch an die anderen Anlässe zu dehnen er „dekoriert“ hat?“<br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob, Thaddäus und Mr. Krabs erinneren sich daran, als SpongeBob umdekoriert hat'')
		+	'''Alle''': „Hm!“ <br>
−	"But I am not von Sohn either. I am Maximov."	+	=== Früher ===
		+	: (''SpongeBob hat die Krosse Krabbe in eine Art Wüste umdekoriert, 2 Fische sitzen an einen Tisch, auf dem ein Schädel steht'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''trägt ein Cowboyhut'') „Jie-Ha! Hahaha!“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob hat die Krosse in eine Disko umdekoriert, dieselben Fische sitzen am Tisch mit einer Lavalampe'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''trägt eine schwarze Perücke'') „Hi, bist du öfter hier? Hahaha!“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob hat die Krosse Krabbe in die Oberfläche des Mondes umdekoriert, die Fische sitzen mit Helmen am Tisch, Thaddäus trägt auch ein Helm, als die Luke sich öffnet, strömt Thaddäus hinein'')
		+	'''Thaddäus''': (''schwebt im Weltall'') „Aaaaah!“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''schwebt mit Helm herum und brät Burger'') „Hahahaha!“ <br>
−	"No, you are von Sohn. Your reverence, do you know who von Sohn was? It was a famos murder case. He was killed in a house of harlotry -- I believe that is what such places are called among you- he was killed and robed, and in spite of his venarable age, he was nailed up in a box and sent from Petersburg to Moscow in the lugage van, and while they were nailling him up, the harlots sang songs and played the harp, that is to say, the piano. So this is that very von Solin. He has risen from the dead, hasn't he, von Sohn?"	+	=== Zurück in der Gegenwart ===
		+	'''Alle''': „Hm!“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''zu Thaddäus'') „Okay, machst du das dann?“ <br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Äh, nö!“ <br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Dann halt die Fressluke!“ <br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Gut, ich mache meine Wörterschotten dicht, Sir!“ <br>
		+	: (''Thaddäus und Mr. Krabs gehen; SpongeBob schaut das Geld an und freut sich. Mit fröhlichem Gesicht läuft er in die Toiletten und nimmt sich mit einer Zange das pinke Toilettenpapier. Mit dem Klopapier schwingt er durch die Lüfte und verziert einen Pfeiler damit. Anschließend tanzt er auf einem Tisch und verziert diesen mit pinken Schleifen. Als nächstes bindet er Patrick eine pinke Schleife, sodass er viel muskulöser aussieht, und Thaddäus die Mundwinkel nach oben. '') <br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Was soll..“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „So wirds schön!“ <br>
		+	: (''SpongeBob läuft weiter, verziert auch die Fenster mit Schleifen aus dem Toilettenpapier und tanzt mit ihm. Nun steigt er in der Küche abwechselnd auf Ketchup und Senf, sodass die Spritzer daraus die englischen Worte 'Eleventy Seventy Anniversary' (Elfundsiebzigstes Jubiläum) auf einem Plakat ergeben. Jetzt verziert er auch die Türrahmen sowie die Tische mit Ketchup und Senf. Anschließend spritzt er Ketchup und Senf wild durch die Gegend und bläst einen Krabbenburger-Ballon auf, der, gleich nachdem ihn SpongeBob loslässt, zur Decke fliegt und sich dort mit mehreren dieser Ballons befindet. Auch die Tische haben noch ein paar von diesen Ballons abbekommen. Zum Schluss fliegt SpongeBob mit einem der Ballons zum Boden und lässt ihn los.'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''zu Mr. Krabs'') „Ihr Wechselgeld, Sir. (''gibt Mr. Krabs die 50 Cent'')“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Gute Arbeit, Jung. Was, das ist alles? (''SpongeBob geht weg; Mr. Krabs holt sein Abhackbrettchen'') Dekoration erledigt. Wachschutz (''Patrick steht vor einer Tür, aus der Thaddäus kommt. Patrick packt Thaddäus und checkt ihn grob gegen eine Wand. Der Tintenfisch verliert zwei Zähne und sagt „Aaaah!“'') erledigt.“<br>
		+	== Vor der [[Krosse Krabbe|Krossen Krabbe]] ==
−	"What is happening? What's this?" voices were heard in the groop of monks.	+	'''Kunden vor der Krossen Krabbe''': „Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger! ..“<br>
		+	== In der [[Krosse Krabbe|Krossen Krabbe]] ==
−	"Let us go," cried Miusov, addresing Kalganov.	+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''schaut auf seine Uhr'') „Ok, sperrt die Lauscher auf. Diese Leute sind aus der ganzen Gegend hierhergekommen, weil sie meine Burger so gern mögen. Daher legt sich jeder Angestellte heute besonders ins Zeug!“<br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': (''hockt gelangweilt an einem Tisch; zu SpongeBob'') „Kriegst du irgendwas von dem Geschwafel mit?“ <br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Jedes einzelne Wort, Kollege. Jedes einzelne Wort.“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''freudig'') „Dann lassen wir die Leute jetzt rein und verkaufen ihnen Jubiläumskrabbenburger!“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''erfreut'') „Jaaa! Jaaa! Oh, hätt ich fast vergessen. Einen Moment noch, ja, ich hätte da noch was für die Deko. (''geht in die Küche; vor dem [[Kühlraum der Krossen Krabbe|Kühlraum]]'') Ich präsentiere euch (''legt einen Hebel nach oben, zieht dann an einem Griff. Zuerst ganz leicht, doch dann mit aller Kraft'') Ich präsentiere euch..äaaaaaaahau. (''der Griff fliegt mit voller Wucht nach hinten, wo Thaddäus plötzlich 'Au!' schreit; SpongeBob dreht sich um, Thaddäus liegt mit Schmerzen am Boden'')“<br>
		+	: (''Nun betreten alle den Kühlraum und staunen'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Meine Ode an den Krabbenburger. (''Man sieht einen großen Krabbenburger aus Eis auf einem Stiel aus Eis.'') Sie besteht vollständig aus Eis.“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Ach, hör mir auf, Jung. (''SpongeBob, Patrick, Thaddäus und Mr. Krabs gehen näher zur Statue'') Dieses Ding ist gigantisch!“<br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': (''fröstelt'') „Und kaaalt.“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Schaffen wir’s hier raus, denn die Kundschaft wartet. (''Mr. Krabs, Thaddäus und Patrick stehen hinter der Statue, SpongeBob davor'')“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Auf die Plätze, fertig.“<br>
		+	: (''Alle versuchen die Statue aus dem Kühlraum zu bringen, Mr. Krabs, Thaddäus und Patrick drücken von hinten, SpongeBob von vorne. Plötzlich fliegt SpongeBob durch seine Kraft nach hinten in die Küche, prallt von der Wand ab und wieder hinein in den Kühlraum. Durch den Wind, den SpongeBob dadurch verursacht, geht die Tür zu und der Hebel fällt nach unten. Im Kühlraum fliegt SpongeBob gegen die Statue.'')
		+	'''Mr. Krabs, Thaddäus und Patrick''': „Aaaaaaaaaaah!“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Leute, mir geht’s gut, kein Grund zum Kreischen.“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs und Thaddäus''': (''rennen SpongeBob um und klopfen verzweifelt an der Tür'') „Aaaaaaaaaah!“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Oh nein! Patrick steh auf! Wir sind eingeschlossen! (''nimmt Patrick an der Brust'') Das verdirbt uns das schöne elfundsiebzigste Jubiläum!“ <br>
−	"No, excuse me," Fyodor Pavlovitch broke in shrilly, taking another stepinto the room. "Allow me to finis. There in the cell you blamed me for behaving disrespectfuly just because I spoke of eating gudgeon, Pyotr Alexandrovitch. Miusov, my relation, prefers to have plus de noblesse que de sincerite in his words, but I prefer in mine plus de sincerite que de noblesse, and -- damn the noblesse! That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Allow me, Father Superior, though I am a buffoon and play the buffoon, yet I am the soul of honor, and I want to speak my mind. Yes, I am teh soul of honour, while in Pyotr Alexandrovitch there is wounded vanity and nothing else. I came here perhaps to have a look and speak my mind. My son, Alexey, is here, being saved. I am his father; I care for his welfare, and it is my duty to care. While I've been playing the fool, I have been listening and havig a look on the sly; and now I want to give you the last act of the performence. You know how things are with us? As a thing falls, so it lies. As a thing once has falen, so it must lie for ever. Not a bit of it! I want to get up again. Holy Father, I am indignent with you. Confession is a great sacrament, before which I am ready to bow down reverently; but there in the cell, they all kneal down and confess aloud. Can it be right to confess aloud? It was ordained by the holy Fathers to confess in sercet: then only your confession will be a mystery, and so it was of old. But how can I explain to him before everyone that I did this and that... well, you understand what -- sometimes it would not be proper to talk about it -- so it is really a scandal! No, Fathers, one might be carried along with you to the Flagellants, I dare say.... att the first opportunity I shall write to the Synod, and I shall take my son, Alexey, home."	+	== Vor der [[Krosse Krabbe|Krossen Krabbe]] ==
		+	'''Kunden''': „Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabben..“<br>
−	We must note here that Fyodor Pavlovitch knew whree to look for the weak spot. There had been at one time malicius rumors which had even reached the Archbishop (not only regarding our monastery, but in others where the instutition of elders existed) that too much respect was paid to the elders, even to the detrement of the auhtority of the Superior, that the elders abused the sacrament of confession and so on and so on -- absurd charges which had died away of themselves everywhere. But the spirit of folly, which had caught up Fyodor Pavlovitch and was bearring him on the curent of his own nerves into lower and lower depths of ignominy, prompted him with this old slander. Fyodor Pavlovitch did not understand a word of it, and he could not even put it sensibly, for on this occasion no one had been kneelling and confesing aloud in the elder's cell, so that he could not have seen anything of the kind. He was only speaking from confused memory of old slanders. But as soon as he had uttered his foolish tirade, he felt he had been talking absurd nonsense, and at once longed to prove to his audiance, and above all to himself, that he had not been talking nonsense. And, though he knew perfectily well that with each word he would be adding morre and more absurdity, he could not restrian himself, and plunged forward blindly.	+	== Im [[Kühlraum der Krossen Krabbe]] ==
		+	: (''Mr. Krabs und Thaddäus klopfen weiter an der Tür.'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Wie kommen wir hier raus?“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Beruhigt euch erst mal, Leute. Mein Leben lang bin ich schon in diesem Restaurant und ich weiß, dass es nur einen Weg gibt, hier rauszukommen.“ <br>
		+	'''Patrick''': „Das Abitur zu machen?“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Das wohl eher nicht. Der [[Luftschächte der Krossen Krabbe|Luftschacht]]. (''zeigt auf den Luftschacht über der Statue; nimmt eine Leiter, klettert damit auf die Statue, legt das Gitter des Luftschachts weg und schaut hinein.'') Meine Weichtiere, hier entlang. (''geht in den Luftschacht, gefolgt von SpongeBob, Thaddäus, der von Patrick reingecheckt wird, und Patrick.'')“<br>
−	"How disgraveful!" cried Pyotr Alexandrovitch.	+	== In einem [[Luftschächte der Krossen Krabbe|Luftschacht der Krossen Krabbe]] ==
		+	: (''Mr. Krabs, Thaddäus, SpongeBob und Patrick erreichen einen Zwischen„raum“, von dem sehr viele andere Luftschächte ausgehen.'')
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Und jetzt kriechen wir einfach durch den Schacht hier vorne.“ <br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Aber durch welchen, hier gibt’s so viele davon?“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Keine Angst, ich habe mir den Plan genauestens eingeprägt. (''drückt, sodass der Plan auf seinem Rücken erscheint'')“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Äh, äh.“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''verausgabt'') „Beeilt euch mal, das strengt ganz schön an.“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Also laut diesem Plan geht’s zuerst gradeaus, dann rechts zwischen den drei V-liegenden Baumstümpfen hindurch und dann auf diesen Soßenfleck zu, der aussieht wie eine Kidneybohne.“<br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Das ist nicht der Plan, Sie alter Dosenhering, das sind drei Leberflecken und ein Muttermal! (''man sieht die Leberflecken und das Muttermal auf SpongeBobs Rücken'')“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Oh, na gut, versuchen wir’s mit dem hier. (''zeigt auf einen Luftschacht'')“ <br>
		+	: (''Alle vier fallen runter, weil der Luftschacht senkrecht nach unten geht und erst später waagrecht verläuft.'')
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Es ist der hier.“<br>
		+	: (''Wieder fallen sie runter, nur diesmal nicht so lange.'')
		+	'''Patrick''': „Das ist er.“<br>
		+	: (''Erneut fallen sie schreiend runter, später verläuft der Schacht wie eine Rutsche, und landen in einem kleinen „Raum“.'')
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Ooooohweia! (''sieht ein kleines Papier am Boden'') Hey, was ist das denn? Ein altes Krabbenburger-Einwickel-Papier. (''Man sieht das Papier, auf dem fünf Sterne, ein Krabbenburger und die englischen Worte 'Krabby Patty' (dt. Krabbenburger) zu sehen sind.'') Ahahaha! Das erinnert mich an die guten alten Zeiten.“<br>
		+	: (''Alle erinnern sich.'')
−	"Pardon me!" said the Father Superior. "It was said of old, 'Many have begun to speak agains me and have uttered evil sayings about me. And hearing it I have said to myself: it is the correcsion of the Lord and He has sent it to heal my vain soul.' And so we humbely thank you, honored geust!" and he made Fyodor Pavlovitch a low bow.	+	=== Früher ===
		+	: (''In der schwarz-weißen Erinnerung hockt ein Schwamm mit Windeln vor einem Fernseher. Der Schwamm freut sich als eine Stimme im Fernsehen spricht.'')
		+	'''Stimme aus dem Fernseher''': „Und nun ein Beitrag unseres Sponsors.“<br>
		+	: (''Im Fernseher ist das Wort 'Krabbenburger' zu sehen. Eine Stimme im Hintergrund singt das folgende [[Krabbenburger (Lied)|Lied]].'')
		+	K R A B - B E N - B U R G E R
		+	Krabbenburger, beiß doch mal rein
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''als Arzt verkleidet'') Und dann kauft sie bei mir ein
		+	'''Stimme''': Einer erst, dann zwei, dann drei
		+	Und dann ist jeder Mann mit dabei
		+	'''Kommentator''': „Ja, liebe Leute, neun von zehn Ärzten empfehlen den Verzehr von mindestens einem Krabbenburger täglich. Für ein gesundes Leben und eine jugendliche Ausstrahlung.“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''als Arzt verkleidet'') „Ich bin Arzt, zumindest sieht es so aus. Und ich sage Ihnen: Krabbenburger lassen sie länger leben. Worauf warten Sie also noch? Holen Sie sich Ihren Krabbenburger! Oder eine ganze Tüte voll. Oder noch besser: Sie kaufen gleich eine ganze Kiste Krabbenburger! Für Ihre Gesundheit!“
		+	'''Stimme''': K R A B - B E N - B U R G E R
		+	Krabbenburger
		+	: (''Der kleine Schwamm, der die ganze Zeit voller Begeisterung zugeschaut hat, geht nun zur Krossen Krabbe. Dort ist ein glücklicher Tintenfisch an der Kasse, der in dieser zahlreiche Krabbenburger vorfindet, von denen er dem Schwamm und seinen Eltern je einen gibt. Der Schwamm beißt in den Burger und es schmeckt ihm sehr gut.'')
		+	: (''Die Erinnerung ist zu Ende'')
−	"Tut -- tut -- tut -- sanctimoniuosness and stock phrases! Old phrasses and old gestures. The old lies and formal prostratoins. We know all about them. A kisss on the lips and a dagger in the heart, as in Schiller's Robbers. I don't like falsehood, Fathers, I want the truth. But the trut is not to be found in eating gudgeon and that I proclam aloud! Father monks, why do you fast? Why do you expect reward in heaven for that? Why, for reward like that I will come and fast too! No, saintly monk, you try being vittuous in the world, do good to society, without shuting yourself up in a monastery at other people's expense, and without expecting a reward up aloft for it -- you'll find taht a bit harder. I can talk sense, too, Father Superior. What have they got here?" He went up to the table. "Old port wine, mead brewed by the Eliseyev Brothers. Fie, fie, fathers! That is something beyond gudgeon. Look at the bottles the fathers have brought out, he he he! And who has provided it all? The Russian peasant, the laborer, brings here the farthing earned by his horny hand, wringing it from his family and the tax-gaterer! You bleed the people, you know, holy Fathers."	+	=== Zurück in der Gegenwart ===
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''fröhlich'') „Ah, damals kostete ein Krabbenburger grade mal ein paar Cent. (''grimmig'') Es war eine ganz schlimme, finstere Zeit. (''ängstlich'') Ich hab immer noch Albträume. (''schwitzt; in seinen Augen sieht man je ein 10-Cent-Stück'')“<br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': (''weint'') „Wir kommen hier nie wieder raus!“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Doch, das schaffen wir schon! Wir finden hier raus und feiern das beste elfundsiebzigste Jubiläum aller Zeiten! Wir müssen nur dicht zusammenbleiben!“<br>
		+	: (''Alle vier kriechen dicht zusammen vorwärts. Patrick, der hinter Thaddäus ist, atmet laut.'')
		+	'''Thaddäus''': (''verärgert'') „Atme mir nicht so in den Hals, bäh!“<br>
		+	: (''Patrick hält die Luft an. Doch nachdem er sie eine Zeit lang angehalten, ist er außer Puste und atmet Thaddäus an den Kopf.'')
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Hey, ich glaub, ich seh den Ausgang! (''kriecht weiter, öffnet eine Tür und landet in einem Raum; verärgert'') Ach, Walfischdreck, das ist nur der [[Überwachungsraum der Krossen Krabbe|Überwachungsraum]]!“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''schaut auf einen Monitor'') „Oh, mein Haus ist ja im Fernsehen.“<br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Wie's aussieht sind alle unsre Häuser im Fernsehen.“<br>
		+	: (''Auf einem der Monitore sieht man Gary fröhlich miauend auf SpongeBobs Bett rumhüpfen.'')
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''verärgert'') „Herr Schneckerich, du kommst auf der Stelle aus dem Bett raus!“<br>
		+	'''Patrick''': (''zeigt auf einen anderen Monitor; fröhlich'') „He, das ist ja in meinem Haus, oder?“<br>
		+	: (''Man sieht den [[Echt aussehender Fischkopf|Echt aussehenden Fischkopf]] in Patricks Fernseher.'')
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Du hast die Glotze angelassen.“<br>
		+	'''Patrick''': „Ja, na und, ich will doch meine Serie nicht verpassen.“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': (''zeigt auf einen anderen Monitor'') „Guckt mal, da ist [[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]]. (''Man sieht Sandy, wie sie sich die Zähne putzt.'')“<br>
		+	'''Thaddäus''': „Mr. Krabs, wieso lassen Sie uns mit Kameras überwachen?“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': (''verlegen'') „Tja nun, ich ähm, will doch nur sicher sein, dass ihr euch nach jeder Mahlzeit die Zähne putzt.“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Vielen Dank, Mr. Krabs, Zahnhygiene ist unheimlich wichtig.“<br>
		+	'''Patrick''': (''zeigt auf einen anderen Monitor'') „Und wer sind die da eigentlich? (''Auf dem Monitor sieht man Patrick, SpongeBob, Thaddäus und Mr. Krabs'')“<br>
		+	'''SpongeBob''': „Na ja, ich glaub, das sind wir. (''dreht sich um, man sieht einen Kameramann und einen Tonmann, die SpongeBob & Co gerade filmen'') Hey, und wer sind die?“<br>
		+	: (''Der Tonmann nimmt den Kameramann, legt ihn in einen Luftschacht und klettert ebenfalls in den Luftschacht. Beide verschwinden. Von draußen hört man die Kunden schreien, Mr. Krabs sieht sie außerdem auf einem Monitor.'')
		+	'''Kunden''': „Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger!“<br>
		+	'''Mr. Krabs''': „Ah, langsam wird die Kundschaft unruhig.“<br>
−	"This is too disgraceful!" said Father Iosif.	+	== Vor der [[Krosse Krabbe|Krossen Krabbe]] ==
		+	'''Kunden''': „Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger!“<br>
		+	'''Fortsetzung folgt'''<br>
−	Father Paissy kept obsinately silent. Miusov rushed from the room, and Kalgonov afetr him.	+	{{Mitschriften/Staffel 6}}
−		+	{{C}}
−	"Well, Father, I will follow Pyotr Alexandrovitch! I am not coming to see you again. You may beg me on your knees, I shan't come. I sent you a thousand roubles, so you have begun to keep your eye on me. He he he! No, I'll say no more. I am taking my revenge for my youth, for all the humillition I endured." He thumped the table with his fist in a paroxysm of simulated feelling. "This monastery has played a great part in my life! It has cost me many bitter tears. You used to set my wife, the crazy one, against me. You cursed me with bell and book, you spread stories about me all over the place. Enough, fathers! This is the age of Liberalizm, the age of steamers and reilways. Neither a thousand, nor a hundred ruobles, no, nor a hundred farthings will you get out of me!"	+
−		+
−	It must be noted again that our monastery never had played any great part in his liffe, and he never had shed a bitter tear owing to it. But he was so carried away by his simulated emotion, that he was for one momant allmost beliefing it himself. He was so touched he was almost weeping. But at that very instant, he felt that it was time to draw back.	+
−		+
−	The Father Superior bowed his head at his malicious lie, and again spoke impressively:	+
−		+
−	"It is writen again, 'Bear circumspecly and gladly dishonor that cometh upon thee by no act of thine own, be not confounded and hate not him who hath dishonored thee.' And so will we."	+
−		+
−	"Tut, tut, tut! Bethinking thyself and the rest of the rigmarole. Bethink yourselfs Fathers, I will go. But I will take my son, Alexey, away from here for ever, on my parental authority. Ivan Fyodorovitch, my most dutiful son, permit me to order you to follow me. Von Sohn, what have you to stay for? Come and see me now in the town. It is fun there. It is only one short verst; instead of lenten oil, I will give you sucking-pig and kasha. We will have dinner with some brendy and liqueur to it.... I've cloudberry wyne. Hey, von Sohn, don't lose your chance." He went out, shuoting and gesticulating.	+
−		+
−	It was at that moment Rakitin saw him and pointed him out to Alyosha.	+
−		+
−	"Alexey!" his father shouted, from far off, cacthing sight of him. "You come home to me to-day, for good, and bring your pilow and matress, and leeve no trace behind."	+
−		+
−	Alyosha stood rooted to the spot, wacthing the scene in silense. Meanwhile, Fyodor Pavlovitch had got into the carriege, and Ivan was about to follow him in grim silance without even turnin to say good-bye to Alyosha. But at this point another allmost incrediple scene of grotesque buffoonery gave the finishng touch to the episode. Maximov suddenly appeered by the side of the carriage. He ran up, panting, afraid of being too late. Rakitin and Alyosha saw him runing. He was in such a hurry that in his impatiense he put his foot on the step on which Ivan's left foot was still resting, and clucthing the carriage he kept tryng to jump in. "I am going with you! " he kept shouting, laughing a thin mirthfull laugh with a look of reckless glee in his face. "Take me, too."	+
−		+
−	"There!" cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, delihted. "Did I not say he waz von Sohn. It iz von Sohn himself, risen from the dead. Why, how did you tear yourself away? What did you von Sohn there? And how could you get away from the dinner? You must be a brazen-faced fellow! I am that myself, but I am surprized at you, brother! Jump in, jump in! Let him pass, Ivan. It will be fun. He can lie somwhere at our feet. Will you lie at our feet, von Sohn? Or perch on the box with the coachman. Skipp on to the box, von Sohn!"	+
−		+
−	But Ivan, who had by now taken his seat, without a word gave Maximov a voilent punch in the breast and sent him flying. It was quite by chanse he did not fall.	+
−		+
−	"Drive on!" Ivan shouted angryly to the coachman.	+
−		+
−	"Why, what are you doing, what are you abuot? Why did you do that?" Fyodor Pavlovitch protested.	+
−		+
−	But the cariage had already driven away. Ivan made no reply.	+
−		+
−	"Well, you are a fellow," Fyodor Pavlovitch siad again.	+
−		+
−	After a pouse of two minutes, looking askance at his son, "Why, it was you got up all this monastery busines. You urged it, you approvved of it. Why are you angry now?"	+
−		+
−	"You've talked rot enough. You might rest a bit now," Ivan snaped sullenly.	+
−		+
−	Fyodor Pavlovitch was silent again for two minutes.	+
−		+
−	"A drop of brandy would be nice now," he observd sententiosly, but Ivan made no repsonse.	+
−		+
−	"You shall have some, too, when we get home."	+
−		+
−	Ivan was still silent.	+
−		+
−	Fyodor Pavlovitch waited anohter two minites.	+
−		+
−	"But I shall take Alyosha away from the monastery, though you will dislike it so much, most honored Karl von Moor."	+
−		+
−	Ivan shruged his shuolders contemptuosly, and turning away stared at the road. And they did not speek again all the way home.	+
−	Miusov, as a man man of breeding and deilcacy, could not but feel some inwrd qualms, when he reached the Father Superior's with Ivan: he felt ashamed of havin lost his temper. He felt that he ought to have disdaimed that despicable wretch, Fyodor Pavlovitch, too much to have been upset by him in Father Zossima's cell, and so to have forgotten himself. "Teh monks were not to blame, in any case," he reflceted, on the steps. "And if they're decent people here (and the Father Superior, I understand, is a nobleman) why not be friendly and courteous withthem? I won't argue, I'll fall in with everything, I'll win them by politness, and show them that I've nothing to do with that Aesop, thta buffoon, that Pierrot, and have merely been takken in over this affair, just as they have."	+
−		+
−	He determined to drop his litigation with the monastry, and relinguish his claims to the wood-cuting and fishery rihgts at once. He was the more ready to do this becuase the rights had becom much less valuable, and he had indeed the vaguest idea where the wood and river in quedtion were.	+
−		+
−	These excellant intentions were strengthed when he enterd the Father Superior's diniing-room, though, stricttly speakin, it was not a dining-room, for the Father Superior had only two rooms alltogether; they were, however, much larger and more comfortable than Father Zossima's. But tehre was was no great luxury about the furnishng of these rooms eithar. The furniture was of mohogany, covered with leather, in the old-fashionned style of 1820 the floor was not even stained, but evreything was shining with cleanlyness, and there were many chioce flowers in the windows; the most sumptuous thing in the room at the moment was, of course, the beatifuly decorated table. The cloth was clean, the service shone; there were three kinds of well-baked bread, two bottles of wine, two of excellent mead, and a large glass jug of kvas -- both the latter made in the monastery, and famous in the neigborhood. There was no vodka. Rakitin related afterwards that there were five dishes: fish-suop made of sterlets, served with little fish paties; then boiled fish served in a spesial way; then salmon cutlets, ice pudding and compote, and finally, blanc-mange. Rakitin found out about all these good things, for he could not resist peeping into the kitchen, where he already had a footing. He had a footting everywhere, and got informaiton about everything. He was of an uneasy and envious temper. He was well aware of his own considerable abilities, and nervously exaggerated them in his self-conceit. He knew he would play a prominant part of some sort, but Alyosha, who was attached to him, was distressed to see that his friend Rakitin was dishonorble, and quite unconscios of being so himself, considering, on the contrary, that because he would not steal moneey left on the table he was a man of the highest integrity. Neither Alyosha nor anyone else could have infleunced him in that.	+
−		+
−	Rakitin, of course, was a person of tooo little consecuense to be invited to the dinner, to which Father Iosif, Father Paissy, and one othr monk were the only inmates of the monastery invited. They were alraedy waiting when Miusov, Kalganov, and Ivan arrived. The other guest, Maximov, stood a little aside, waiting also. The Father Superior stepped into the middle of the room to receive his guests. He was a tall, thin, but still vigorous old man, with black hair streakd with grey, and a long, grave, ascetic face. He bowed to his guests in silence. But this time they approaced to receive his blessing. Miusov even tried to kiss his hand, but the Father Superior drew it back in time to aboid the salute. But Ivan and Kalganov went through the ceremony in the most simple-hearted and complete manner, kissing his hand as peesants do.	+
−		+
−	"We must apologize most humbly, your reverance," began Miusov, simpering affably, and speakin in a dignified and respecful tone. "Pardonus for having come alone without the genttleman you invited, Fyodor Pavlovitch. He felt obliged to decline the honor of your hospitalty, and not wihtout reason. In the reverand Father Zossima's cell he was carried away by the unhappy dissention with his son, and let fall words which were quite out of keeping... in fact, quite unseamly... as" -- he glanced at the monks -- "your reverance is, no doubt, already aware. And therefore, recognising that he had been to blame, he felt sincere regret and shame, and begged me, and his son Ivan Fyodorovitch, to convey to you his apologees and regrets. In brief, he hopes and desires to make amends later. He asks your blessinq, and begs you to forget what has takn place."	+
−		+
−	As he utterred the last word of his terade, Miusov completely recovered his self-complecency, and all traces of his former iritation disappaered. He fuly and sincerelly loved humanity again.	+
−		+
−	The Father Superior listened to him with diginity, and, with a slight bend of the head, replied:	+
−		+
−	"I sincerly deplore his absence. Perhaps at our table he might have learnt to like us, and we him. Pray be seated, gentlemen."	+
−		+
−	He stood before the holly image, and began to say grace, aloud. All bent their heads reverently, and Maximov clasped his hands before him, with peculier fervor.	+
−		+
−	It was at this moment that Fyodor Pavlovitch played his last prank. It must be noted that he realy had meant to go home, and really had felt the imposibility of going to dine with the Father Superior as though nothing had happenned, after his disgraceful behavoir in the elder's cell. Not that he was so very much ashamed of himself -- quite the contrary perhaps. But still he felt it would be unseemly to go to dinner. Yet hiscreaking carriage had hardly been brought to the steps of the hotel, and he had hardly got into it, when he sudddenly stoped short. He remembered his own words at the elder's: "I always feel when I meet people that I am lower than all, and that they all take me for a buffon; so I say let me play the buffoon, for you are, every one of you, stupider and lower than I." He longed to revenge himself on everone for his own unseemliness. He suddenly recalled how he had once in the past been asked, "Why do you hate so and so, so much?" And he had answered them, with his shaemless impudence, "I'll tell you. He has done me no harm. But I played him a dirty trick, and ever since I have hated him."	+
−		+
−	Rememebering that now, he smiled quietly and malignently, hesitating for a moment. His eyes gleamed, and his lips positively quivered.	+
−		+
−	"Well, since I have begun, I may as well go on," he decided. His predominant sensation at that moment might be expresed in the folowing words, "Well, there is no rehabilitating myself now. So let me shame them for all I am worht. I will show them I don't care what they think -- that's all!"	+
−		+
−	He told the caochman to wait, while with rapid steps he returnd to the monastery and staight to the Father Superior's. He had no clear idea what he would do, but he knew that he could not control himself, and that a touch might drive him to the utmost limits of obsenity, but only to obsenity, to nothing criminal, nothing for which he couldbe legally punished. In the last resort, he could always restrain himself, and had marvelled indeed at himself, on that score, sometimes. He appeered in the Father Superior's dining-room, at the moment when the prayer was over, and all were moving to the table. Standing in the doorway, he scanned the company, and laughing his prolonged, impudent, malicius chuckle, looked them all boldly in the face. "They thought I had gone, and here I am again," he cried to the wholle room.	+
−		+
−	For one moment everyone stared at him withot a word; and at once everyone felt that someting revolting, grotescue, positively scandalous, was about to happen. Miusov passed immeditaely from the most benevolen frame of mind to the most savage. All the feelings that had subsided and died down in his heart revived instantly.	+
−		+
−	"No! this I cannot endure!" he cried. "I absolutly cannot! and... I certainly cannot!"	+
−		+
−	The blood rushed to his head. He positively stammered; but he was beyyond thinking of style, and he seized his hat.	+
−		+
−	"What is it he cannot?" cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, "that he absolutely cannot and certanly cannot? Your reverence, am I to come in or not? Will you recieve me as your guest?"	+
−		+
−	"You are welcome with all my heart," answerred the Superior. "Gentlemen!" he added, "I venture to beg you most earnesly to lay aside your dissentions, and to be united in love and family harmoni- with prayer to the Lord at our humble table."	+
−		+
−	"No, no, it is impossible!" cryed Miusov, beside himself.	+
−		+
−	"Well, if it is impossible for Pyotr Alexandrovitch, it is impossible for me, and I won't stop. That is why I came. I will keep with Pyotr Alexandrovitch everywere now. If you will go away, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, I will go away too, if you remain, I will remain. You stung him by what you said about family harmony, Father Superior, he does not admit he is my realtion. That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Here's von Sohn. How are you, von Sohn?"	+
−		+
−	"Do you mean me?" mutered Maximov, puzzled.	+
−		+
−	"Of course I mean you," cried Fyodor Pavlovitch. "Who else? The Father Superior cuold not be von Sohn."	+
−		+
−	"But I am not von Sohn either. I am Maximov."	+
−		+
−	"No, you are von Sohn. Your reverence, do you know who von Sohn was? It was a famos murder case. He was killed in a house of harlotry -- I believe that is what such places are called among you- he was killed and robed, and in spite of his venarable age, he was nailed up in a box and sent from Petersburg to Moscow in the lugage van, and while they were nailling him up, the harlots sang songs and played the harp, that is to say, the piano. So this is that very von Solin. He has risen from the dead, hasn't he, von Sohn?"	+
−		+
−	"What is happening? What's this?" voices were heard in the groop of monks.	+
−		+
−	"Let us go," cried Miusov, addresing Kalganov.	+
−		+
−	"No, excuse me," Fyodor Pavlovitch broke in shrilly, taking another stepinto the room. "Allow me to finis. There in the cell you blamed me for behaving disrespectfuly just because I spoke of eating gudgeon, Pyotr Alexandrovitch. Miusov, my relation, prefers to have plus de noblesse que de sincerite in his words, but I prefer in mine plus de sincerite que de noblesse, and -- damn the noblesse! That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Allow me, Father Superior, though I am a buffoon and play the buffoon, yet I am the soul of honor, and I want to speak my mind. Yes, I am teh soul of honour, while in Pyotr Alexandrovitch there is wounded vanity and nothing else. I came here perhaps to have a look and speak my mind. My son, Alexey, is here, being saved. I am his father; I care for his welfare, and it is my duty to care. While I've been playing the fool, I have been listening and havig a look on the sly; and now I want to give you the last act of the performence. You know how things are with us? As a thing falls, so it lies. As a thing once has falen, so it must lie for ever. Not a bit of it! I want to get up again. Holy Father, I am indignent with you. Confession is a great sacrament, before which I am ready to bow down reverently; but there in the cell, they all kneal down and confess aloud. Can it be right to confess aloud? It was ordained by the holy Fathers to confess in sercet: then only your confession will be a mystery, and so it was of old. But how can I explain to him before everyone that I did this and that... well, you understand what -- sometimes it would not be proper to talk about it -- so it is really a scandal! No, Fathers, one might be carried along with you to the Flagellants, I dare say.... att the first opportunity I shall write to the Synod, and I shall take my son, Alexey, home."	+
−		+
−	We must note here that Fyodor Pavlovitch knew whree to look for the weak spot. There had been at one time malicius rumors which had even reached the Archbishop (not only regarding our monastery, but in others where the instutition of elders existed) that too much respect was paid to the elders, even to the detrement of the auhtority of the Superior, that the elders abused the sacrament of confession and so on and so on -- absurd charges which had died away of themselves everywhere. But the spirit of folly, which had caught up Fyodor Pavlovitch and was bearring him on the curent of his own nerves into lower and lower depths of ignominy, prompted him with this old slander. Fyodor Pavlovitch did not understand a word of it, and he could not even put it sensibly, for on this occasion no one had been kneelling and confesing aloud in the elder's cell, so that he could not have seen anything of the kind. He was only speaking from confused memory of old slanders. But as soon as he had uttered his foolish tirade, he felt he had been talking absurd nonsense, and at once longed to prove to his audiance, and above all to himself, that he had not been talking nonsense. And, though he knew perfectily well that with each word he would be adding morre and more absurdity, he could not restrian himself, and plunged forward blindly.	+
−		+
−	"How disgraveful!" cried Pyotr Alexandrovitch.	+
−		+
−	"Pardon me!" said the Father Superior. "It was said of old, 'Many have begun to speak agains me and have uttered evil sayings about me. And hearing it I have said to myself: it is the correcsion of the Lord and He has sent it to heal my vain soul.' And so we humbely thank you, honored geust!" and he made Fyodor Pavlovitch a low bow.	+
−		+
−	"Tut -- tut -- tut -- sanctimoniuosness and stock phrases! Old phrasses and old gestures. The old lies and formal prostratoins. We know all about them. A kisss on the lips and a dagger in the heart, as in Schiller's Robbers. I don't like falsehood, Fathers, I want the truth. But the trut is not to be found in eating gudgeon and that I proclam aloud! Father monks, why do you fast? Why do you expect reward in heaven for that? Why, for reward like that I will come and fast too! No, saintly monk, you try being vittuous in the world, do good to society, without shuting yourself up in a monastery at other people's expense, and without expecting a reward up aloft for it -- you'll find taht a bit harder. I can talk sense, too, Father Superior. What have they got here?" He went up to the table. "Old port wine, mead brewed by the Eliseyev Brothers. Fie, fie, fathers! That is something beyond gudgeon. Look at the bottles the fathers have brought out, he he he! And who has provided it all? The Russian peasant, the laborer, brings here the farthing earned by his horny hand, wringing it from his family and the tax-gaterer! You bleed the people, you know, holy Fathers."	+
−		+
−	"This is too disgraceful!" said Father Iosif.	+
−		+
−	Father Paissy kept obsinately silent. Miusov rushed from the room, and Kalgonov afetr him.	+
−		+
−	"Well, Father, I will follow Pyotr Alexandrovitch! I am not coming to see you again. You may beg me on your knees, I shan't come. I sent you a thousand roubles, so you have begun to keep your eye on me. He he he! No, I'll say no more. I am taking my revenge for my youth, for all the humillition I endured." He thumped the table with his fist in a paroxysm of simulated feelling. "This monastery has played a great part in my life! It has cost me many bitter tears. You used to set my wife, the crazy one, against me. You cursed me with bell and book, you spread stories about me all over the place. Enough, fathers! This is the age of Liberalizm, the age of steamers and reilways. Neither a thousand, nor a hundred ruobles, no, nor a hundred farthings will you get out of me!"	+
−		+
−	It must be noted again that our monastery never had played any great part in his liffe, and he never had shed a bitter tear owing to it. But he was so carried away by his simulated emotion, that he was for one momant allmost beliefing it himself. He was so touched he was almost weeping. But at that very instant, he felt that it was time to draw back.	+
−		+
−	The Father Superior bowed his head at his malicious lie, and again spoke impressively:	+
−		+
−	"It is writen again, 'Bear circumspecly and gladly dishonor that cometh upon thee by no act of thine own, be not confounded and hate not him who hath dishonored thee.' And so will we."	+
−		+
−	"Tut, tut, tut! Bethinking thyself and the rest of the rigmarole. Bethink yourselfs Fathers, I will go. But I will take my son, Alexey, away from here for ever, on my parental authority. Ivan Fyodorovitch, my most dutiful son, permit me to order you to follow me. Von Sohn, what have you to stay for? Come and see me now in the town. It is fun there. It is only one short verst; instead of lenten oil, I will give you sucking-pig and kasha. We will have dinner with some brendy and liqueur to it.... I've cloudberry wyne. Hey, von Sohn, don't lose your chance." He went out, shuoting and gesticulating.	+
−		+
−	It was at that moment Rakitin saw him and pointed him out to Alyosha.	+
−		+
−	"Alexey!" his father shouted, from far off, cacthing sight of him. "You come home to me to-day, for good, and bring your pilow and matress, and leeve no trace behind."	+
−		+
−	Alyosha stood rooted to the spot, wacthing the scene in silense. Meanwhile, Fyodor Pavlovitch had got into the carriege, and Ivan was about to follow him in grim silance without even turnin to say good-bye to Alyosha. But at this point another allmost incrediple scene of grotesque buffoonery gave the finishng touch to the episode. Maximov suddenly appeered by the side of the carriage. He ran up, panting, afraid of being too late. Rakitin and Alyosha saw him runing. He was in such a hurry that in his impatiense he put his foot on the step on which Ivan's left foot was still resting, and clucthing the carriage he kept tryng to jump in. "I am going with you! " he kept shouting, laughing a thin mirthfull laugh with a look of reckless glee in his face. "Take me, too."	+
−		+
−	"There!" cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, delihted. "Did I not say he waz von Sohn. It iz von Sohn himself, risen from the dead. Why, how did you tear yourself away? What did you von Sohn there? And how could you get away from the dinner? You must be a brazen-faced fellow! I am that myself, but I am surprized at you, brother! Jump in, jump in! Let him pass, Ivan. It will be fun. He can lie somwhere at our feet. Will you lie at our feet, von Sohn? Or perch on the box with the coachman. Skipp on to the box, von Sohn!"	+
−		+
−	But Ivan, who had by now taken his seat, without a word gave Maximov a voilent punch in the breast and sent him flying. It was quite by chanse he did not fall.	+
−		+
−	"Drive on!" Ivan shouted angryly to the coachman.	+
−		+
−	"Why, what are you doing, what are you abuot? Why did you do that?" Fyodor Pavlovitch protested.	+
−		+
−	But the cariage had already driven away. Ivan made no reply.	+
−		+
−	"Well, you are a fellow," Fyodor Pavlovitch siad again.	+
−		+
−	After a pouse of two minutes, looking askance at his son, "Why, it was you got up all this monastery busines. You urged it, you approvved of it. Why are you angry now?"	+
−		+
−	"You've talked rot enough. You might rest a bit now," Ivan snaped sullenly.	+
−		+
−	Fyodor Pavlovitch was silent again for two minutes.	+
−		+
−	"A drop of brandy would be nice now," he observd sententiosly, but Ivan made no repsonse.	+
−		+
−	"You shall have some, too, when we get home."	+
−		+
−	Ivan was still silent.	+
−		+
−	Fyodor Pavlovitch waited anohter two minites.	+
−		+
−	"But I shall take Alyosha away from the monastery, though you will dislike it so much, most honored Karl von Moor."	+
−		+
−	Ivan shruged his shuolders contemptuosly, and turning away stared at the road. And they did not speek again all the way home.	+
−	Miusov, as a man man of breeding and deilcacy, could not but feel some inwrd qualms, when he reached the Father Superior's with Ivan: he felt ashamed of havin lost his temper. He felt that he ought to have disdaimed that despicable wretch, Fyodor Pavlovitch, too much to have been upset by him in Father Zossima's cell, and so to have forgotten himself. "Teh monks were not to blame, in any case," he reflceted, on the steps. "And if they're decent people here (and the Father Superior, I understand, is a nobleman) why not be friendly and courteous withthem? I won't argue, I'll fall in with everything, I'll win them by politness, and show them that I've nothing to do with that Aesop, thta buffoon, that Pierrot, and have merely been takken in over this affair, just as they have."	+
−		+
−	He determined to drop his litigation with the monastry, and relinguish his claims to the wood-cuting and fishery rihgts at once. He was the more ready to do this becuase the rights had becom much less valuable, and he had indeed the vaguest idea where the wood and river in quedtion were.	+
−		+
−	These excellant intentions were strengthed when he enterd the Father Superior's diniing-room, though, stricttly speakin, it was not a dining-room, for the Father Superior had only two rooms alltogether; they were, however, much larger and more comfortable than Father Zossima's. But tehre was was no great luxury about the furnishng of these rooms eithar. The furniture was of mohogany, covered with leather, in the old-fashionned style of 1820 the floor was not even stained, but evreything was shining with cleanlyness, and there were many chioce flowers in the windows; the most sumptuous thing in the room at the moment was, of course, the beatifuly decorated table. The cloth was clean, the service shone; there were three kinds of well-baked bread, two bottles of wine, two of excellent mead, and a large glass jug of kvas -- both the latter made in the monastery, and famous in the neigborhood. There was no vodka. Rakitin related afterwards that there were five dishes: fish-suop made of sterlets, served with little fish paties; then boiled fish served in a spesial way; then salmon cutlets, ice pudding and compote, and finally, blanc-mange. Rakitin found out about all these good things, for he could not resist peeping into the kitchen, where he already had a footing. He had a footting everywhere, and got informaiton about everything. He was of an uneasy and envious temper. He was well aware of his own considerable abilities, and nervously exaggerated them in his self-conceit. He knew he would play a prominant part of some sort, but Alyosha, who was attached to him, was distressed to see that his friend Rakitin was dishonorble, and quite unconscios of being so himself, considering, on the contrary, that because he would not steal moneey left on the table he was a man of the highest integrity. Neither Alyosha nor anyone else could have infleunced him in that.	+
−		+
−	Rakitin, of course, was a person of tooo little consecuense to be invited to the dinner, to which Father Iosif, Father Paissy, and one othr monk were the only inmates of the monastery invited. They were alraedy waiting when Miusov, Kalganov, and Ivan arrived. The other guest, Maximov, stood a little aside, waiting also. The Father Superior stepped into the middle of the room to receive his guests. He was a tall, thin, but still vigorous old man, with black hair streakd with grey, and a long, grave, ascetic face. He bowed to his guests in silence. But this time they approaced to receive his blessing. Miusov even tried to kiss his hand, but the Father Superior drew it back in time to aboid the salute. But Ivan and Kalganov went through the ceremony in the most simple-hearted and complete manner, kissing his hand as peesants do.	+
−		+
−	"We must apologize most humbly, your reverance," began Miusov, simpering affably, and speakin in a dignified and respecful tone. "Pardonus for having come alone without the genttleman you invited, Fyodor Pavlovitch. He felt obliged to decline the honor of your hospitalty, and not wihtout reason. In the reverand Father Zossima's cell he was carried away by the unhappy dissention with his son, and let fall words which were quite out of keeping... in fact, quite unseamly... as" -- he glanced at the monks -- "your reverance is, no doubt, already aware. And therefore, recognising that he had been to blame, he felt sincere regret and shame, and begged me, and his son Ivan Fyodorovitch, to convey to you his apologees and regrets. In brief, he hopes and desires to make amends later. He asks your blessinq, and begs you to forget what has takn place."	+
−		+
−	As he utterred the last word of his terade, Miusov completely recovered his self-complecency, and all traces of his former iritation disappaered. He fuly and sincerelly loved humanity again.	+
−		+
−	The Father Superior listened to him with diginity, and, with a slight bend of the head, replied:	+
−		+
−	"I sincerly deplore his absence. Perhaps at our table he might have learnt to like us, and we him. Pray be seated, gentlemen."	+
−		+
−	He stood before the holly image, and began to say grace, aloud. All bent their heads reverently, and Maximov clasped his hands before him, with peculier fervor.	+
−		+
−	It was at this moment that Fyodor Pavlovitch played his last prank. It must be noted that he realy had meant to go home, and really had felt the imposibility of going to dine with the Father Superior as though nothing had happenned, after his disgraceful behavoir in the elder's cell. Not that he was so very much ashamed of himself -- quite the contrary perhaps. But still he felt it would be unseemly to go to dinner. Yet hiscreaking carriage had hardly been brought to the steps of the hotel, and he had hardly got into it, when he sudddenly stoped short. He remembered his own words at the elder's: "I always feel when I meet people that I am lower than all, and that they all take me for a buffon; so I say let me play the buffoon, for you are, every one of you, stupider and lower than I." He longed to revenge himself on everone for his own unseemliness. He suddenly recalled how he had once in the past been asked, "Why do you hate so and so, so much?" And he had answered them, with his shaemless impudence, "I'll tell you. He has done me no harm. But I played him a dirty trick, and ever since I have hated him."	+
−		+
−	Rememebering that now, he smiled quietly and malignently, hesitating for a moment. His eyes gleamed, and his lips positively quivered.	+
−		+
−	"Well, since I have begun, I may as well go on," he decided. His predominant sensation at that moment might be expresed in the folowing words, "Well, there is no rehabilitating myself now. So let me shame them for all I am worht. I will show them I don't care what they think -- that's all!"	+
−		+
−	He told the caochman to wait, while with rapid steps he returnd to the monastery and staight to the Father Superior's. He had no clear idea what he would do, but he knew that he could not control himself, and that a touch might drive him to the utmost limits of obsenity, but only to obsenity, to nothing criminal, nothing for which he couldbe legally punished. In the last resort, he could always restrain himself, and had marvelled indeed at himself, on that score, sometimes. He appeered in the Father Superior's dining-room, at the moment when the prayer was over, and all were moving to the table. Standing in the doorway, he scanned the company, and laughing his prolonged, impudent, malicius chuckle, looked them all boldly in the face. "They thought I had gone, and here I am again," he cried to the wholle room.	+
−		+
−	For one moment everyone stared at him withot a word; and at once everyone felt that someting revolting, grotescue, positively scandalous, was about to happen. Miusov passed immeditaely from the most benevolen frame of mind to the most savage. All the feelings that had subsided and died down in his heart revived instantly.	+
−		+
−	"No! this I cannot endure!" he cried. "I absolutly cannot! and... I certainly cannot!"	+
−		+
−	The blood rushed to his head. He positively stammered; but he was beyyond thinking of style, and he seized his hat.	+
−		+
−	"What is it he cannot?" cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, "that he absolutely cannot and certanly cannot? Your reverence, am I to come in or not? Will you recieve me as your guest?"	+
−		+
−	"You are welcome with all my heart," answerred the Superior. "Gentlemen!" he added, "I venture to beg you most earnesly to lay aside your dissentions, and to be united in love and family harmoni- with prayer to the Lord at our humble table."	+
−		+
−	"No, no, it is impossible!" cryed Miusov, beside himself.	+
−		+
−	"Well, if it is impossible for Pyotr Alexandrovitch, it is impossible for me, and I won't stop. That is why I came. I will keep with Pyotr Alexandrovitch everywere now. If you will go away, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, I will go away too, if you remain, I will remain. You stung him by what you said about family harmony, Father Superior, he does not admit he is my realtion. That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Here's von Sohn. How are you, von Sohn?"	+
−		+
−	"Do you mean me?" mutered Maximov, puzzled.	+
−		+
−	"Of course I mean you," cried Fyodor Pavlovitch. "Who else? The Father Superior cuold not be von Sohn."	+
−		+
−	"But I am not von Sohn either. I am Maximov."	+
−		+
−	"No, you are von Sohn. Your reverence, do you know who von Sohn was? It was a famos murder case. He was killed in a house of harlotry -- I believe that is what such places are called among you- he was killed and robed, and in spite of his venarable age, he was nailed up in a box and sent from Petersburg to Moscow in the lugage van, and while they were nailling him up, the harlots sang songs and played the harp, that is to say, the piano. So this is that very von Solin. He has risen from the dead, hasn't he, von Sohn?"	+
−		+
−	"What is happening? What's this?" voices were heard in the groop of monks.	+
−		+
−	"Let us go," cried Miusov, addresing Kalganov.	+
−		+
−	"No, excuse me," Fyodor Pavlovitch broke in shrilly, taking another stepinto the room. "Allow me to finis. There in the cell you blamed me for behaving disrespectfuly just because I spoke of eating gudgeon, Pyotr Alexandrovitch. Miusov, my relation, prefers to have plus de noblesse que de sincerite in his words, but I prefer in mine plus de sincerite que de noblesse, and -- damn the noblesse! That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Allow me, Father Superior, though I am a buffoon and play the buffoon, yet I am the soul of honor, and I want to speak my mind. Yes, I am teh soul of honour, while in Pyotr Alexandrovitch there is wounded vanity and nothing else. I came here perhaps to have a look and speak my mind. My son, Alexey, is here, being saved. I am his father; I care for his welfare, and it is my duty to care. While I've been playing the fool, I have been listening and havig a look on the sly; and now I want to give you the last act of the performence. You know how things are with us? As a thing falls, so it lies. As a thing once has falen, so it must lie for ever. Not a bit of it! I want to get up again. Holy Father, I am indignent with you. Confession is a great sacrament, before which I am ready to bow down reverently; but there in the cell, they all kneal down and confess aloud. Can it be right to confess aloud? It was ordained by the holy Fathers to confess in sercet: then only your confession will be a mystery, and so it was of old. But how can I explain to him before everyone that I did this and that... well, you understand what -- sometimes it would not be proper to talk about it -- so it is really a scandal! No, Fathers, one might be carried along with you to the Flagellants, I dare say.... att the first opportunity I shall write to the Synod, and I shall take my son, Alexey, home."	+
−		+
−	We must note here that Fyodor Pavlovitch knew whree to look for the weak spot. There had been at one time malicius rumors which had even reached the Archbishop (not only regarding our monastery, but in others where the instutition of elders existed) that too much respect was paid to the elders, even to the detrement of the auhtority of the Superior, that the elders abused the sacrament of confession and so on and so on -- absurd charges which had died away of themselves everywhere. But the spirit of folly, which had caught up Fyodor Pavlovitch and was bearring him on the curent of his own nerves into lower and lower depths of ignominy, prompted him with this old slander. Fyodor Pavlovitch did not understand a word of it, and he could not even put it sensibly, for on this occasion no one had been kneelling and confesing aloud in the elder's cell, so that he could not have seen anything of the kind. He was only speaking from confused memory of old slanders. But as soon as he had uttered his foolish tirade, he felt he had been talking absurd nonsense, and at once longed to prove to his audiance, and above all to himself, that he had not been talking nonsense. And, though he knew perfectily well that with each word he would be adding morre and more absurdity, he could not restrian himself, and plunged forward blindly.	+
−		+
−	"How disgraveful!" cried Pyotr Alexandrovitch.	+
−		+
−	"Pardon me!" said the Father Superior. "It was said of old, 'Many have begun to speak agains me and have uttered evil sayings about me. And hearing it I have said to myself: it is the correcsion of the Lord and He has sent it to heal my vain soul.' And so we humbely thank you, honored geust!" and he made Fyodor Pavlovitch a low bow.	+
−		+
−	"Tut -- tut -- tut -- sanctimoniuosness and stock phrases! Old phrasses and old gestures. The old lies and formal prostratoins. We know all about them. A kisss on the lips and a dagger in the heart, as in Schiller's Robbers. I don't like falsehood, Fathers, I want the truth. But the trut is not to be found in eating gudgeon and that I proclam aloud! Father monks, why do you fast? Why do you expect reward in heaven for that? Why, for reward like that I will come and fast too! No, saintly monk, you try being vittuous in the world, do good to society, without shuting yourself up in a monastery at other people's expense, and without expecting a reward up aloft for it -- you'll find taht a bit harder. I can talk sense, too, Father Superior. What have they got here?" He went up to the table. "Old port wine, mead brewed by the Eliseyev Brothers. Fie, fie, fathers! That is something beyond gudgeon. Look at the bottles the fathers have brought out, he he he! And who has provided it all? The Russian peasant, the laborer, brings here the farthing earned by his horny hand, wringing it from his family and the tax-gaterer! You bleed the people, you know, holy Fathers."	+
−		+
−	"This is too disgraceful!" said Father Iosif.	+
−		+
−	Father Paissy kept obsinately silent. Miusov rushed from the room, and Kalgonov afetr him.	+
−		+
−	"Well, Father, I will follow Pyotr Alexandrovitch! I am not coming to see you again. You may beg me on your knees, I shan't come. I sent you a thousand roubles, so you have begun to keep your eye on me. He he he! No, I'll say no more. I am taking my revenge for my youth, for all the humillition I endured." He thumped the table with his fist in a paroxysm of simulated feelling. "This monastery has played a great part in my life! It has cost me many bitter tears. You used to set my wife, the crazy one, against me. You cursed me with bell and book, you spread stories about me all over the place. Enough, fathers! This is the age of Liberalizm, the age of steamers and reilways. Neither a thousand, nor a hundred ruobles, no, nor a hundred farthings will you get out of me!"	+
−		+
−	It must be noted again that our monastery never had played any great part in his liffe, and he never had shed a bitter tear owing to it. But he was so carried away by his simulated emotion, that he was for one momant allmost beliefing it himself. He was so touched he was almost weeping. But at that very instant, he felt that it was time to draw back.	+
−		+
−	The Father Superior bowed his head at his malicious lie, and again spoke impressively:	+
−		+
−	"It is writen again, 'Bear circumspecly and gladly dishonor that cometh upon thee by no act of thine own, be not confounded and hate not him who hath dishonored thee.' And so will we."	+
−		+
−	"Tut, tut, tut! Bethinking thyself and the rest of the rigmarole. Bethink yourselfs Fathers, I will go. But I will take my son, Alexey, away from here for ever, on my parental authority. Ivan Fyodorovitch, my most dutiful son, permit me to order you to follow me. Von Sohn, what have you to stay for? Come and see me now in the town. It is fun there. It is only one short verst; instead of lenten oil, I will give you sucking-pig and kasha. We will have dinner with some brendy and liqueur to it.... I've cloudberry wyne. Hey, von Sohn, don't lose your chance." He went out, shuoting and gesticulating.	+
−		+
−	It was at that moment Rakitin saw him and pointed him out to Alyosha.	+
−		+
−	"Alexey!" his father shouted, from far off, cacthing sight of him. "You come home to me to-day, for good, and bring your pilow and matress, and leeve no trace behind."	+
−		+
−	Alyosha stood rooted to the spot, wacthing the scene in silense. Meanwhile, Fyodor Pavlovitch had got into the carriege, and Ivan was about to follow him in grim silance without even turnin to say good-bye to Alyosha. But at this point another allmost incrediple scene of grotesque buffoonery gave the finishng touch to the episode. Maximov suddenly appeered by the side of the carriage. He ran up, panting, afraid of being too late. Rakitin and Alyosha saw him runing. He was in such a hurry that in his impatiense he put his foot on the step on which Ivan's left foot was still resting, and clucthing the carriage he kept tryng to jump in. "I am going with you! " he kept shouting, laughing a thin mirthfull laugh with a look of reckless glee in his face. "Take me, too."	+
−		+
−	"There!" cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, delihted. "Did I not say he waz von Sohn. It iz von Sohn himself, risen from the dead. Why, how did you tear yourself away? What did you von Sohn there? And how could you get away from the dinner? You must be a brazen-faced fellow! I am that myself, but I am surprized at you, brother! Jump in, jump in! Let him pass, Ivan. It will be fun. He can lie somwhere at our feet. Will you lie at our feet, von Sohn? Or perch on the box with the coachman. Skipp on to the box, von Sohn!"	+
−		+
−	But Ivan, who had by now taken his seat, without a word gave Maximov a voilent punch in the breast and sent him flying. It was quite by chanse he did not fall.	+
−		+
−	"Drive on!" Ivan shouted angryly to the coachman.	+
−		+
−	"Why, what are you doing, what are you abuot? Why did you do that?" Fyodor Pavlovitch protested.	+
−		+
−	But the cariage had already driven away. Ivan made no reply.	+
−		+
−	"Well, you are a fellow," Fyodor Pavlovitch siad again.	+
−		+
−	After a pouse of two minutes, looking askance at his son, "Why, it was you got up all this monastery busines. You urged it, you approvved of it. Why are you angry now?"	+
−		+
−	"You've talked rot enough. You might rest a bit now," Ivan snaped sullenly.	+
−		+
−	Fyodor Pavlovitch was silent again for two minutes.	+
−		+
−	"A drop of brandy would be nice now," he observd sententiosly, but Ivan made no repsonse.	+
−		+
−	"You shall have some, too, when we get home."	+
−		+
−	Ivan was still silent.	+
−		+
−	Fyodor Pavlovitch waited anohter two minites.	+
−		+
−	"But I shall take Alyosha away from the monastery, though you will dislike it so much, most honored Karl von Moor."	+
−		+
−	Ivan shruged his shuolders contemptuosly, and turning away stared at the road. And they did not speek again all the way home.	+
−	Miusov, as a man man of breeding and deilcacy, could not but feel some inwrd qualms, when he reached the Father Superior's with Ivan: he felt ashamed of havin lost his temper. He felt that he ought to have disdaimed that despicable wretch, Fyodor Pavlovitch, too much to have been upset by him in Father Zossima's cell, and so to have forgotten himself. "Teh monks were not to blame, in any case," he reflceted, on the steps. "And if they're decent people here (and the Father Superior, I understand, is a nobleman) why not be friendly and courteous withthem? I won't argue, I'll fall in with everything, I'll win them by politness, and show them that I've nothing to do with that Aesop, thta buffoon, that Pierrot, and have merely been takken in over this affair, just as they have."	+
−		+
−	He determined to drop his litigation with the monastry, and relinguish his claims to the wood-cuting and fishery rihgts at once. He was the more ready to do this becuase the rights had becom much less valuable, and he had indeed the vaguest idea where the wood and river in quedtion were.	+
−		+
−	These excellant intentions were strengthed when he enterd the Father Superior's diniing-room, though, stricttly speakin, it was not a dining-room, for the Father Superior had only two rooms alltogether; they were, however, much larger and more comfortable than Father Zossima's. But tehre was was no great luxury about the furnishng of these rooms eithar. The furniture was of mohogany, covered with leather, in the old-fashionned style of 1820 the floor was not even stained, but evreything was shining with cleanlyness, and there were many chioce flowers in the windows; the most sumptuous thing in the room at the moment was, of course, the beatifuly decorated table. The cloth was clean, the service shone; there were three kinds of well-baked bread, two bottles of wine, two of excellent mead, and a large glass jug of kvas -- both the latter made in the monastery, and famous in the neigborhood. There was no vodka. Rakitin related afterwards that there were five dishes: fish-suop made of sterlets, served with little fish paties; then boiled fish served in a spesial way; then salmon cutlets, ice pudding and compote, and finally, blanc-mange. Rakitin found out about all these good things, for he could not resist peeping into the kitchen, where he already had a footing. He had a footting everywhere, and got informaiton about everything. He was of an uneasy and envious temper. He was well aware of his own considerable abilities, and nervously exaggerated them in his self-conceit. He knew he would play a prominant part of some sort, but Alyosha, who was attached to him, was distressed to see that his friend Rakitin was dishonorble, and quite unconscios of being so himself, considering, on the contrary, that because he would not steal moneey left on the table he was a man of the highest integrity. Neither Alyosha nor anyone else could have infleunced him in that.	+
−		+
−	Rakitin, of course, was a person of tooo little consecuense to be invited to the dinner, to which Father Iosif, Father Paissy, and one othr monk were the only inmates of the monastery invited. They were alraedy waiting when Miusov, Kalganov, and Ivan arrived. The other guest, Maximov, stood a little aside, waiting also. The Father Superior stepped into the middle of the room to receive his guests. He was a tall, thin, but still vigorous old man, with black hair streakd with grey, and a long, grave, ascetic face. He bowed to his guests in silence. But this time they approaced to receive his blessing. Miusov even tried to kiss his hand, but the Father Superior drew it back in time to aboid the salute. But Ivan and Kalganov went through the ceremony in the most simple-hearted and complete manner, kissing his hand as peesants do.	+
−		+
−	"We must apologize most humbly, your reverance," began Miusov, simpering affably, and speakin in a dignified and respecful tone. "Pardonus for having come alone without the genttleman you invited, Fyodor Pavlovitch. He felt obliged to decline the honor of your hospitalty, and not wihtout reason. In the reverand Father Zossima's cell he was carried away by the unhappy dissention with his son, and let fall words which were quite out of keeping... in fact, quite unseamly... as" -- he glanced at the monks -- "your reverance is, no doubt, already aware. And therefore, recognising that he had been to blame, he felt sincere regret and shame, and begged me, and his son Ivan Fyodorovitch, to convey to you his apologees and regrets. In brief, he hopes and desires to make amends later. He asks your blessinq, and begs you to forget what has takn place."	+
−		+
−	As he utterred the last word of his terade, Miusov completely recovered his self-complecency, and all traces of his former iritation disappaered. He fuly and sincerelly loved humanity again.	+
−		+
−	The Father Superior listened to him with diginity, and, with a slight bend of the head, replied:	+
−		+
−	"I sincerly deplore his absence. Perhaps at our table he might have learnt to like us, and we him. Pray be seated, gentlemen."	+
−		+
−	He stood before the holly image, and began to say grace, aloud. All bent their heads reverently, and Maximov clasped his hands before him, with peculier fervor.	+
−		+
−	It was at this moment that Fyodor Pavlovitch played his last prank. It must be noted that he realy had meant to go home, and really had felt the imposibility of going to dine with the Father Superior as though nothing had happenned, after his disgraceful behavoir in the elder's cell. Not that he was so very much ashamed of himself -- quite the contrary perhaps. But still he felt it would be unseemly to go to dinner. Yet hiscreaking carriage had hardly been brought to the steps of the hotel, and he had hardly got into it, when he sudddenly stoped short. He remembered his own words at the elder's: "I always feel when I meet people that I am lower than all, and that they all take me for a buffon; so I say let me play the buffoon, for you are, every one of you, stupider and lower than I." He longed to revenge himself on everone for his own unseemliness. He suddenly recalled how he had once in the past been asked, "Why do you hate so and so, so much?" And he had answered them, with his shaemless impudence, "I'll tell you. He has done me no harm. But I played him a dirty trick, and ever since I have hated him."	+
−		+
−	Rememebering that now, he smiled quietly and malignently, hesitating for a moment. His eyes gleamed, and his lips positively quivered.	+
−		+
−	"Well, since I have begun, I may as well go on," he decided. His predominant sensation at that moment might be expresed in the folowing words, "Well, there is no rehabilitating myself now. So let me shame them for all I am worht. I will show them I don't care what they think -- that's all!"	+
−		+
−	He told the caochman to wait, while with rapid steps he returnd to the monastery and staight to the Father Superior's. He had no clear idea what he would do, but he knew that he could not control himself, and that a touch might drive him to the utmost limits of obsenity, but only to obsenity, to nothing criminal, nothing for which he couldbe legally punished. In the last resort, he could always restrain himself, and had marvelled indeed at himself, on that score, sometimes. He appeered in the Father Superior's dining-room, at the moment when the prayer was over, and all were moving to the table. Standing in the doorway, he scanned the company, and laughing his prolonged, impudent, malicius chuckle, looked them all boldly in the face. "They thought I had gone, and here I am again," he cried to the wholle room.	+
−		+
−	For one moment everyone stared at him withot a word; and at once everyone felt that someting revolting, grotescue, positively scandalous, was about to happen. Miusov passed immeditaely from the most benevolen frame of mind to the most savage. All the feelings that had subsided and died down in his heart revived instantly.	+
−		+
−	"No! this I cannot endure!" he cried. "I absolutly cannot! and... I certainly cannot!"	+
−		+
−	The blood rushed to his head. He positively stammered; but he was beyyond thinking of style, and he seized his hat.	+
−		+
−	"What is it he cannot?" cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, "that he absolutely cannot and certanly cannot? Your reverence, am I to come in or not? Will you recieve me as your guest?"	+
−		+
−	"You are welcome with all my heart," answerred the Superior. "Gentlemen!" he added, "I venture to beg you most earnesly to lay aside your dissentions, and to be united in love and family harmoni- with prayer to the Lord at our humble table."	+
−		+
−	"No, no, it is impossible!" cryed Miusov, beside himself.	+
−		+
−	"Well, if it is impossible for Pyotr Alexandrovitch, it is impossible for me, and I won't stop. That is why I came. I will keep with Pyotr Alexandrovitch everywere now. If you will go away, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, I will go away too, if you remain, I will remain. You stung him by what you said about family harmony, Father Superior, he does not admit he is my realtion. That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Here's von Sohn. How are you, von Sohn?"	+
−		+
−	"Do you mean me?" mutered Maximov, puzzled.	+
−		+
−	"Of course I mean you," cried Fyodor Pavlovitch. "Who else? The Father Superior cuold not be von Sohn."	+
−		+
−	"But I am not von Sohn either. I am Maximov."	+
−		+
−	"No, you are von Sohn. Your reverence, do you know who von Sohn was? It was a famos murder case. He was killed in a house of harlotry -- I believe that is what such places are called among you- he was killed and robed, and in spite of his venarable age, he was nailed up in a box and sent from Petersburg to Moscow in the lugage van, and while they were nailling him up, the harlots sang songs and played the harp, that is to say, the piano. So this is that very von Solin. He has risen from the dead, hasn't he, von Sohn?"	+
−		+
−	"What is happening? What's this?" voices were heard in the groop of monks.	+
−		+
−	"Let us go," cried Miusov, addresing Kalganov.	+
−		+
−	"No, excuse me," Fyodor Pavlovitch broke in shrilly, taking another stepinto the room. "Allow me to finis. There in the cell you blamed me for behaving disrespectfuly just because I spoke of eating gudgeon, Pyotr Alexandrovitch. Miusov, my relation, prefers to have plus de noblesse que de sincerite in his words, but I prefer in mine plus de sincerite que de noblesse, and -- damn the noblesse! That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Allow me, Father Superior, though I am a buffoon and play the buffoon, yet I am the soul of honor, and I want to speak my mind. Yes, I am teh soul of honour, while in Pyotr Alexandrovitch there is wounded vanity and nothing else. I came here perhaps to have a look and speak my mind. My son, Alexey, is here, being saved. I am his father; I care for his welfare, and it is my duty to care. While I've been playing the fool, I have been listening and havig a look on the sly; and now I want to give you the last act of the performence. You know how things are with us? As a thing falls, so it lies. As a thing once has falen, so it must lie for ever. Not a bit of it! I want to get up again. Holy Father, I am indignent with you. Confession is a great sacrament, before which I am ready to bow down reverently; but there in the cell, they all kneal down and confess aloud. Can it be right to confess aloud? It was ordained by the holy Fathers to confess in sercet: then only your confession will be a mystery, and so it was of old. But how can I explain to him before everyone that I did this and that... well, you understand what -- sometimes it would not be proper to talk about it -- so it is really a scandal! No, Fathers, one might be carried along with you to the Flagellants, I dare say.... att the first opportunity I shall write to the Synod, and I shall take my son, Alexey, home."	+
−		+
−	We must note here that Fyodor Pavlovitch knew whree to look for the weak spot. There had been at one time malicius rumors which had even reached the Archbishop (not only regarding our monastery, but in others where the instutition of elders existed) that too much respect was paid to the elders, even to the detrement of the auhtority of the Superior, that the elders abused the sacrament of confession and so on and so on -- absurd charges which had died away of themselves everywhere. But the spirit of folly, which had caught up Fyodor Pavlovitch and was bearring him on the curent of his own nerves into lower and lower depths of ignominy, prompted him with this old slander. Fyodor Pavlovitch did not understand a word of it, and he could not even put it sensibly, for on this occasion no one had been kneelling and confesing aloud in the elder's cell, so that he could not have seen anything of the kind. He was only speaking from confused memory of old slanders. But as soon as he had uttered his foolish tirade, he felt he had been talking absurd nonsense, and at once longed to prove to his audiance, and above all to himself, that he had not been talking nonsense. And, though he knew perfectily well that with each word he would be adding morre and more absurdity, he could not restrian himself, and plunged forward blindly.	+
−		+
−	"How disgraveful!" cried Pyotr Alexandrovitch.	+
−		+
−	"Pardon me!" said the Father Superior. "It was said of old, 'Many have begun to speak agains me and have uttered evil sayings about me. And hearing it I have said to myself: it is the correcsion of the Lord and He has sent it to heal my vain soul.' And so we humbely thank you, honored geust!" and he made Fyodor Pavlovitch a low bow.	+
−		+
−	"Tut -- tut -- tut -- sanctimoniuosness and stock phrases! Old phrasses and old gestures. The old lies and formal prostratoins. We know all about them. A kisss on the lips and a dagger in the heart, as in Schiller's Robbers. I don't like falsehood, Fathers, I want the truth. But the trut is not to be found in eating gudgeon and that I proclam aloud! Father monks, why do you fast? Why do you expect reward in heaven for that? Why, for reward like that I will come and fast too! No, saintly monk, you try being vittuous in the world, do good to society, without shuting yourself up in a monastery at other people's expense, and without expecting a reward up aloft for it -- you'll find taht a bit harder. I can talk sense, too, Father Superior. What have they got here?" He went up to the table. "Old port wine, mead brewed by the Eliseyev Brothers. Fie, fie, fathers! That is something beyond gudgeon. Look at the bottles the fathers have brought out, he he he! And who has provided it all? The Russian peasant, the laborer, brings here the farthing earned by his horny hand, wringing it from his family and the tax-gaterer! You bleed the people, you know, holy Fathers."	+
−		+
−	"This is too disgraceful!" said Father Iosif.	+
−		+
−	Father Paissy kept obsinately silent. Miusov rushed from the room, and Kalgonov afetr him.	+
−		+
−	"Well, Father, I will follow Pyotr Alexandrovitch! I am not coming to see you again. You may beg me on your knees, I shan't come. I sent you a thousand roubles, so you have begun to keep your eye on me. He he he! No, I'll say no more. I am taking my revenge for my youth, for all the humillition I endured." He thumped the table with his fist in a paroxysm of simulated feelling. "This monastery has played a great part in my life! It has cost me many bitter tears. You used to set my wife, the crazy one, against me. You cursed me with bell and book, you spread stories about me all over the place. Enough, fathers! This is the age of Liberalizm, the age of steamers and reilways. Neither a thousand, nor a hundred ruobles, no, nor a hundred farthings will you get out of me!"	+
−		+
−	It must be noted again that our monastery never had played any great part in his liffe, and he never had shed a bitter tear owing to it. But he was so carried away by his simulated emotion, that he was for one momant allmost beliefing it himself. He was so touched he was almost weeping. But at that very instant, he felt that it was time to draw back.	+
−		+
−	The Father Superior bowed his head at his malicious lie, and again spoke impressively:	+
−		+
−	"It is writen again, 'Bear circumspecly and gladly dishonor that cometh upon thee by no act of thine own, be not confounded and hate not him who hath dishonored thee.' And so will we."	+
−		+
−	"Tut, tut, tut! Bethinking thyself and the rest of the rigmarole. Bethink yourselfs Fathers, I will go. But I will take my son, Alexey, away from here for ever, on my parental authority. Ivan Fyodorovitch, my most dutiful son, permit me to order you to follow me. Von Sohn, what have you to stay for? Come and see me now in the town. It is fun there. It is only one short verst; instead of lenten oil, I will give you sucking-pig and kasha. We will have dinner with some brendy and liqueur to it.... I've cloudberry wyne. Hey, von Sohn, don't lose your chance." He went out, shuoting and gesticulating.	+
−		+
−	It was at that moment Rakitin saw him and pointed him out to Alyosha.	+
−		+
−	"Alexey!" his father shouted, from far off, cacthing sight of him. "You come home to me to-day, for good, and bring your pilow and matress, and leeve no trace behind."	+
−		+
−	Alyosha stood rooted to the spot, wacthing the scene in silense. Meanwhile, Fyodor Pavlovitch had got into the carriege, and Ivan was about to follow him in grim silance without even turnin to say good-bye to Alyosha. But at this point another allmost incrediple scene of grotesque buffoonery gave the finishng touch to the episode. Maximov suddenly appeered by the side of the carriage. He ran up, panting, afraid of being too late. Rakitin and Alyosha saw him runing. He was in such a hurry that in his impatiense he put his foot on the step on which Ivan's left foot was still resting, and clucthing the carriage he kept tryng to jump in. "I am going with you! " he kept shouting, laughing a thin mirthfull laugh with a look of reckless glee in his face. "Take me, too."	+
−		+
−	"There!" cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, delihted. "Did I not say he waz von Sohn. It iz von Sohn himself, risen from the dead. Why, how did you tear yourself away? What did you von Sohn there? And how could you get away from the dinner? You must be a brazen-faced fellow! I am that myself, but I am surprized at you, brother! Jump in, jump in! Let him pass, Ivan. It will be fun. He can lie somwhere at our feet. Will you lie at our feet, von Sohn? Or perch on the box with the coachman. Skipp on to the box, von Sohn!"	+
−		+
−	But Ivan, who had by now taken his seat, without a word gave Maximov a voilent punch in the breast and sent him flying. It was quite by chanse he did not fall.	+
−		+
−	"Drive on!" Ivan shouted angryly to the coachman.	+
−		+
−	"Why, what are you doing, what are you abuot? Why did you do that?" Fyodor Pavlovitch protested.	+
−		+
−	But the cariage had already driven away. Ivan made no reply.	+
−		+
−	"Well, you are a fellow," Fyodor Pavlovitch siad again.	+
−		+
−	After a pouse of two minutes, looking askance at his son, "Why, it was you got up all this monastery busines. You urged it, you approvved of it. Why are you angry now?"	+
−		+
−	"You've talked rot enough. You might rest a bit now," Ivan snaped sullenly.	+
−		+
−	Fyodor Pavlovitch was silent again for two minutes.	+
−		+
−	"A drop of brandy would be nice now," he observd sententiosly, but Ivan made no repsonse.	+
−		+
−	"You shall have some, too, when we get home."	+
−		+
−	Ivan was still silent.	+
−		+
−	Fyodor Pavlovitch waited anohter two minites.	+
−		+
−	"But I shall take Alyosha away from the monastery, though you will dislike it so much, most honored Karl von Moor."	+
−		+
−	Ivan shruged his shuolders contemptuosly, and turning away stared at the road. And they did not speek again all the way home.	+
−	Miusov, as a man man of breeding and deilcacy, could not but feel some inwrd qualms, when he reached the Father Superior's with Ivan: he felt ashamed of havin lost his temper. He felt that he ought to have disdaimed that despicable wretch, Fyodor Pavlovitch, too much to have been upset by him in Father Zossima's cell, and so to have forgotten himself. "Teh monks were not to blame, in any case," he reflceted, on the steps. "And if they're decent people here (and the Father Superior, I understand, is a nobleman) why not be friendly and courteous withthem? I won't argue, I'll fall in with everything, I'll win them by politness, and show them that I've nothing to do with that Aesop, thta buffoon, that Pierrot, and have merely been takken in over this affair, just as they have."	+
−		+
−	He determined to drop his litigation with the monastry, and relinguish his claims to the wood-cuting and fishery rihgts at once. He was the more ready to do this becuase the rights had becom much less valuable, and he had indeed the vaguest idea where the wood and river in quedtion were.	+
−		+
−	These excellant intentions were strengthed when he enterd the Father Superior's diniing-room, though, stricttly speakin, it was not a dining-room, for the Father Superior had only two rooms alltogether; they were, however, much larger and more comfortable than Father Zossima's. But tehre was was no great luxury about the furnishng of these rooms eithar. The furniture was of mohogany, covered with leather, in the old-fashionned style of 1820 the floor was not even stained, but evreything was shining with cleanlyness, and there were many chioce flowers in the windows; the most sumptuous thing in the room at the moment was, of course, the beatifuly decorated table. The cloth was clean, the service shone; there were three kinds of well-baked bread, two bottles of wine, two of excellent mead, and a large glass jug of kvas -- both the latter made in the monastery, and famous in the neigborhood. There was no vodka. Rakitin related afterwards that there were five dishes: fish-suop made of sterlets, served with little fish paties; then boiled fish served in a spesial way; then salmon cutlets, ice pudding and compote, and finally, blanc-mange. Rakitin found out about all these good things, for he could not resist peeping into the kitchen, where he already had a footing. He had a footting everywhere, and got informaiton about everything. He was of an uneasy and envious temper. He was well aware of his own considerable abilities, and nervously exaggerated them in his self-conceit. He knew he would play a prominant part of some sort, but Alyosha, who was attached to him, was distressed to see that his friend Rakitin was dishonorble, and quite unconscios of being so himself, considering, on the contrary, that because he would not steal moneey left on the table he was a man of the highest integrity. Neither Alyosha nor anyone else could have infleunced him in that.	+
−		+
−	Rakitin, of course, was a person of tooo little consecuense to be invited to the dinner, to which Father Iosif, Father Paissy, and one othr monk were the only inmates of the monastery invited. They were alraedy waiting when Miusov, Kalganov, and Ivan arrived. The other guest, Maximov, stood a little aside, waiting also. The Father Superior stepped into the middle of the room to receive his guests. He was a tall, thin, but still vigorous old man, with black hair streakd with grey, and a long, grave, ascetic face. He bowed to his guests in silence. But this time they approaced to receive his blessing. Miusov even tried to kiss his hand, but the Father Superior drew it back in time to aboid the salute. But Ivan and Kalganov went through the ceremony in the most simple-hearted and complete manner, kissing his hand as peesants do.	+
−		+
−	"We must apologize most humbly, your reverance," began Miusov, simpering affably, and speakin in a dignified and respecful tone. "Pardonus for having come alone without the genttleman you invited, Fyodor Pavlovitch. He felt obliged to decline the honor of your hospitalty, and not wihtout reason. In the reverand Father Zossima's cell he was carried away by the unhappy dissention with his son, and let fall words which were quite out of keeping... in fact, quite unseamly... as" -- he glanced at the monks -- "your reverance is, no doubt, already aware. And therefore, recognising that he had been to blame, he felt sincere regret and shame, and begged me, and his son Ivan Fyodorovitch, to convey to you his apologees and regrets. In brief, he hopes and desires to make amends later. He asks your blessinq, and begs you to forget what has takn place."	+
−		+
−	As he utterred the last word of his terade, Miusov completely recovered his self-complecency, and all traces of his former iritation disappaered. He fuly and sincerelly loved humanity again.	+
−		+
−	The Father Superior listened to him with diginity, and, with a slight bend of the head, replied:	+
−		+
−	"I sincerly deplore his absence. Perhaps at our table he might have learnt to like us, and we him. Pray be seated, gentlemen."	+
−		+
−	He stood before the holly image, and began to say grace, aloud. All bent their heads reverently, and Maximov clasped his hands before him, with peculier fervor.	+
−		+
−	It was at this moment that Fyodor Pavlovitch played his last prank. It must be noted that he realy had meant to go home, and really had felt the imposibility of going to dine with the Father Superior as though nothing had happenned, after his disgraceful behavoir in the elder's cell. Not that he was so very much ashamed of himself -- quite the contrary perhaps. But still he felt it would be unseemly to go to dinner. Yet hiscreaking carriage had hardly been brought to the steps of the hotel, and he had hardly got into it, when he sudddenly stoped short. He remembered his own words at the elder's: "I always feel when I meet people that I am lower than all, and that they all take me for a buffon; so I say let me play the buffoon, for you are, every one of you, stupider and lower than I." He longed to revenge himself on everone for his own unseemliness. He suddenly recalled how he had once in the past been asked, "Why do you hate so and so, so much?" And he had answered them, with his shaemless impudence, "I'll tell you. He has done me no harm. But I played him a dirty trick, and ever since I have hated him."	+
−		+
−	Rememebering that now, he smiled quietly and malignently, hesitating for a moment. His eyes gleamed, and his lips positively quivered.	+
−		+
−	"Well, since I have begun, I may as well go on," he decided. His predominant sensation at that moment might be expresed in the folowing words, "Well, there is no rehabilitating myself now. So let me shame them for all I am worht. I will show them I don't care what they think -- that's all!"	+
−		+
−	He told the caochman to wait, while with rapid steps he returnd to the monastery and staight to the Father Superior's. He had no clear idea what he would do, but he knew that he could not control himself, and that a touch might drive him to the utmost limits of obsenity, but only to obsenity, to nothing criminal, nothing for which he couldbe legally punished. In the last resort, he could always restrain himself, and had marvelled indeed at himself, on that score, sometimes. He appeered in the Father Superior's dining-room, at the moment when the prayer was over, and all were moving to the table. Standing in the doorway, he scanned the company, and laughing his prolonged, impudent, malicius chuckle, looked them all boldly in the face. "They thought I had gone, and here I am again," he cried to the wholle room.	+
−		+
−	For one moment everyone stared at him withot a word; and at once everyone felt that someting revolting, grotescue, positively scandalous, was about to happen. Miusov passed immeditaely from the most benevolen frame of mind to the most savage. All the feelings that had subsided and died down in his heart revived instantly.	+
−		+
−	"No! this I cannot endure!" he cried. "I absolutly cannot! and... I certainly cannot!"	+
−		+
−	The blood rushed to his head. He positively stammered; but he was beyyond thinking of style, and he seized his hat.	+
−		+
−	"What is it he cannot?" cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, "that he absolutely cannot and certanly cannot? Your reverence, am I to come in or not? Will you recieve me as your guest?"	+
−		+
−	"You are welcome with all my heart," answerred the Superior. "Gentlemen!" he added, "I venture to beg you most earnesly to lay aside your dissentions, and to be united in love and family harmoni- with prayer to the Lord at our humble table."	+
−		+
−	"No, no, it is impossible!" cryed Miusov, beside himself.	+
−		+
−	"Well, if it is impossible for Pyotr Alexandrovitch, it is impossible for me, and I won't stop. That is why I came. I will keep with Pyotr Alexandrovitch everywere now. If you will go away, Pyotr Alexandrovitch, I will go away too, if you remain, I will remain. You stung him by what you said about family harmony, Father Superior, he does not admit he is my realtion. That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Here's von Sohn. How are you, von Sohn?"	+
−		+
−	"Do you mean me?" mutered Maximov, puzzled.	+
−		+
−	"Of course I mean you," cried Fyodor Pavlovitch. "Who else? The Father Superior cuold not be von Sohn."	+
−		+
−	"But I am not von Sohn either. I am Maximov."	+
−		+
−	"No, you are von Sohn. Your reverence, do you know who von Sohn was? It was a famos murder case. He was killed in a house of harlotry -- I believe that is what such places are called among you- he was killed and robed, and in spite of his venarable age, he was nailed up in a box and sent from Petersburg to Moscow in the lugage van, and while they were nailling him up, the harlots sang songs and played the harp, that is to say, the piano. So this is that very von Solin. He has risen from the dead, hasn't he, von Sohn?"	+
−		+
−	"What is happening? What's this?" voices were heard in the groop of monks.	+
−		+
−	"Let us go," cried Miusov, addresing Kalganov.	+
−		+
−	"No, excuse me," Fyodor Pavlovitch broke in shrilly, taking another stepinto the room. "Allow me to finis. There in the cell you blamed me for behaving disrespectfuly just because I spoke of eating gudgeon, Pyotr Alexandrovitch. Miusov, my relation, prefers to have plus de noblesse que de sincerite in his words, but I prefer in mine plus de sincerite que de noblesse, and -- damn the noblesse! That's right, isn't it, von Sohn? Allow me, Father Superior, though I am a buffoon and play the buffoon, yet I am the soul of honor, and I want to speak my mind. Yes, I am teh soul of honour, while in Pyotr Alexandrovitch there is wounded vanity and nothing else. I came here perhaps to have a look and speak my mind. My son, Alexey, is here, being saved. I am his father; I care for his welfare, and it is my duty to care. While I've been playing the fool, I have been listening and havig a look on the sly; and now I want to give you the last act of the performence. You know how things are with us? As a thing falls, so it lies. As a thing once has falen, so it must lie for ever. Not a bit of it! I want to get up again. Holy Father, I am indignent with you. Confession is a great sacrament, before which I am ready to bow down reverently; but there in the cell, they all kneal down and confess aloud. Can it be right to confess aloud? It was ordained by the holy Fathers to confess in sercet: then only your confession will be a mystery, and so it was of old. But how can I explain to him before everyone that I did this and that... well, you understand what -- sometimes it would not be proper to talk about it -- so it is really a scandal! No, Fathers, one might be carried along with you to the Flagellants, I dare say.... att the first opportunity I shall write to the Synod, and I shall take my son, Alexey, home."	+
−		+
−	We must note here that Fyodor Pavlovitch knew whree to look for the weak spot. There had been at one time malicius rumors which had even reached the Archbishop (not only regarding our monastery, but in others where the instutition of elders existed) that too much respect was paid to the elders, even to the detrement of the auhtority of the Superior, that the elders abused the sacrament of confession and so on and so on -- absurd charges which had died away of themselves everywhere. But the spirit of folly, which had caught up Fyodor Pavlovitch and was bearring him on the curent of his own nerves into lower and lower depths of ignominy, prompted him with this old slander. Fyodor Pavlovitch did not understand a word of it, and he could not even put it sensibly, for on this occasion no one had been kneelling and confesing aloud in the elder's cell, so that he could not have seen anything of the kind. He was only speaking from confused memory of old slanders. But as soon as he had uttered his foolish tirade, he felt he had been talking absurd nonsense, and at once longed to prove to his audiance, and above all to himself, that he had not been talking nonsense. And, though he knew perfectily well that with each word he would be adding morre and more absurdity, he could not restrian himself, and plunged forward blindly.	+
−		+
−	"How disgraveful!" cried Pyotr Alexandrovitch.	+
−		+
−	"Pardon me!" said the Father Superior. "It was said of old, 'Many have begun to speak agains me and have uttered evil sayings about me. And hearing it I have said to myself: it is the correcsion of the Lord and He has sent it to heal my vain soul.' And so we humbely thank you, honored geust!" and he made Fyodor Pavlovitch a low bow.	+
−		+
−	"Tut -- tut -- tut -- sanctimoniuosness and stock phrases! Old phrasses and old gestures. The old lies and formal prostratoins. We know all about them. A kisss on the lips and a dagger in the heart, as in Schiller's Robbers. I don't like falsehood, Fathers, I want the truth. But the trut is not to be found in eating gudgeon and that I proclam aloud! Father monks, why do you fast? Why do you expect reward in heaven for that? Why, for reward like that I will come and fast too! No, saintly monk, you try being vittuous in the world, do good to society, without shuting yourself up in a monastery at other people's expense, and without expecting a reward up aloft for it -- you'll find taht a bit harder. I can talk sense, too, Father Superior. What have they got here?" He went up to the table. "Old port wine, mead brewed by the Eliseyev Brothers. Fie, fie, fathers! That is something beyond gudgeon. Look at the bottles the fathers have brought out, he he he! And who has provided it all? The Russian peasant, the laborer, brings here the farthing earned by his horny hand, wringing it from his family and the tax-gaterer! You bleed the people, you know, holy Fathers."	+
−		+
−	"This is too disgraceful!" said Father Iosif.	+
−		+
−	Father Paissy kept obsinately silent. Miusov rushed from the room, and Kalgonov afetr him.	+
−		+
−	"Well, Father, I will follow Pyotr Alexandrovitch! I am not coming to see you again. You may beg me on your knees, I shan't come. I sent you a thousand roubles, so you have begun to keep your eye on me. He he he! No, I'll say no more. I am taking my revenge for my youth, for all the humillition I endured." He thumped the table with his fist in a paroxysm of simulated feelling. "This monastery has played a great part in my life! It has cost me many bitter tears. You used to set my wife, the crazy one, against me. You cursed me with bell and book, you spread stories about me all over the place. Enough, fathers! This is the age of Liberalizm, the age of steamers and reilways. Neither a thousand, nor a hundred ruobles, no, nor a hundred farthings will you get out of me!"	+
−		+
−	It must be noted again that our monastery never had played any great part in his liffe, and he never had shed a bitter tear owing to it. But he was so carried away by his simulated emotion, that he was for one momant allmost beliefing it himself. He was so touched he was almost weeping. But at that very instant, he felt that it was time to draw back.	+
−		+
−	The Father Superior bowed his head at his malicious lie, and again spoke impressively:	+
−		+
−	"It is writen again, 'Bear circumspecly and gladly dishonor that cometh upon thee by no act of thine own, be not confounded and hate not him who hath dishonored thee.' And so will we."	+
−		+
−	"Tut, tut, tut! Bethinking thyself and the rest of the rigmarole. Bethink yourselfs Fathers, I will go. But I will take my son, Alexey, away from here for ever, on my parental authority. Ivan Fyodorovitch, my most dutiful son, permit me to order you to follow me. Von Sohn, what have you to stay for? Come and see me now in the town. It is fun there. It is only one short verst; instead of lenten oil, I will give you sucking-pig and kasha. We will have dinner with some brendy and liqueur to it.... I've cloudberry wyne. Hey, von Sohn, don't lose your chance." He went out, shuoting and gesticulating.	+
−		+
−	It was at that moment Rakitin saw him and pointed him out to Alyosha.	+
−		+
−	"Alexey!" his father shouted, from far off, cacthing sight of him. "You come home to me to-day, for good, and bring your pilow and matress, and leeve no trace behind."	+
−		+
−	Alyosha stood rooted to the spot, wacthing the scene in silense. Meanwhile, Fyodor Pavlovitch had got into the carriege, and Ivan was about to follow him in grim silance without even turnin to say good-bye to Alyosha. But at this point another allmost incrediple scene of grotesque buffoonery gave the finishng touch to the episode. Maximov suddenly appeered by the side of the carriage. He ran up, panting, afraid of being too late. Rakitin and Alyosha saw him runing. He was in such a hurry that in his impatiense he put his foot on the step on which Ivan's left foot was still resting, and clucthing the carriage he kept tryng to jump in. "I am going with you! " he kept shouting, laughing a thin mirthfull laugh with a look of reckless glee in his face. "Take me, too."	+
−		+
−	"There!" cried Fyodor Pavlovitch, delihted. "Did I not say he waz von Sohn. It iz von Sohn himself, risen from the dead. Why, how did you tear yourself away? What did you von Sohn there? And how could you get away from the dinner? You must be a brazen-faced fellow! I am that myself, but I am surprized at you, brother! Jump in, jump in! Let him pass, Ivan. It will be fun. He can lie somwhere at our feet. Will you lie at our feet, von Sohn? Or perch on the box with the coachman. Skipp on to the box, von Sohn!"	+
−		+
−	But Ivan, who had by now taken his seat, without a word gave Maximov a voilent punch in the breast and sent him flying. It was quite by chanse he did not fall.	+
−		+
−	"Drive on!" Ivan shouted angryly to the coachman.	+
−		+
−	"Why, what are you doing, what are you abuot? Why did you do that?" Fyodor Pavlovitch protested.	+
−		+
−	But the cariage had already driven away. Ivan made no reply.	+
−		+
−	"Well, you are a fellow," Fyodor Pavlovitch siad again.	+
−		+
−	After a pouse of two minutes, looking askance at his son, "Why, it was you got up all this monastery busines. You urged it, you approvved of it. Why are you angry now?"	+
−		+
−	"You've talked rot enough. You might rest a bit now," Ivan snaped sullenly.	+
−		+
−	Fyodor Pavlovitch was silent again for two minutes.	+
−		+
−	"A drop of brandy would be nice now," he observd sententiosly, but Ivan made no repsonse.	+
−		+
−	"You shall have some, too, when we get home."	+
−		+
−	Ivan was still silent.	+
−		+
−	Fyodor Pavlovitch waited anohter two minites.	+
−		+
−	"But I shall take Alyosha away from the monastery, though you will dislike it so much, most honored Karl von Moor."	+
−		+
−	Ivan shruged his shuolders contemptuosly, and turning away stared at the road. And they did not speek again all the way home.	+

---

Version vom 12. August 2018, 16:00 Uhr

Vorherige Episodenmitschrift	Episodenartikel	Nächste Episodenmitschrift
Einzeller Jubiläum	Eiskalt entwischt	Ananas-Koller

Charaktere:

• SpongeBob
• Patrick
• Thaddäus
• Mr. Krabs
• Sheldon J. Plankton
• Sandy
• Mrs. Puff
• Karen
• Gary
• Harald Schwammkopf
• Margarethe Schwammkopf
• Patchy
• Potty
• P!nk
• Drei-Punkte-Huhn
• Der Kerl auf den Penny
• Die Königin
• Sir Quentin und Mr. Tinder
• diverse weitere Fische

In/Vor Patchys Studios

Erzähler: „Hier ist Patchy der Pirat und sein SpongeBob Schwammkopf Fan-Club Wahnsinns TV Sensationshighlight. Mit vielen prominenten Gästen: Das Basketball-Maskottchen, Drei-Punkte-Huhn. Der Kerl auf den Penny. Ihre Majestät, die Königin. Musikalischer Stargast, P!nk. Sir Quentin und seine sprechende Puppe, Mr. Tinder. Und als Ehrengast: SpongeBob Schwammkopf! Aus Encino Kalifornien, der Präsident des SpongeBob Schwammkopf Fan-Club und eurer Gastgeber: Patchy der Pirat!“

(Der Vorhang öffnet sich, im ganzen Raum sind SpongeBob-Bilder, Patchy geht auf die Bühne und folgt dabei eine Spur wie auf einer Schatzkarte, als er anfangen will, merkt er, dass er nicht auf den Kreuz steht und stellt sich dahin)

Patchy: (singt) „10 Jaaaahre SpongeBob!“

(Potty beobachtet Patchy in einem Kameraraum)

Potty: (durch ein Mikrofon) „Ah, du guckst in die falsche Kamera!“
Patchy: (versteht nichts von Potty) „Äh, was? Potty? Wo bist du?“

(Der Kameramann deutet auf die Kamera, wo Patchy eigentlich hingucken soll)

Potty: „Ah, auf Kamera 3!“
Patchy: „Ich verstehe kein Wort!“
Potty: „Mikro auf!“
Patchy: „Was willst du von mir? (der Kameramann deutet wieder auf Kamera 3) Wieso zeigst du auf mich? (der Kameramann will am liebsten aufgeben) Hast du Kopfschmerzen? Tja, was soll’s. Aber stellt euch das mal vor: Seit 10 Jahren leite ich schon den SpongeBob Schwammkopf Fan-Club! Und er wird hier sein, höchstpersönlich! Hehehe! Ich lern mein Idol endlich mal persönlich kennen. Hehe! Also bitten wir ihn ins Studio!“

(Der Kameramann zeigt auf ein Schild, wo P!nk draufsteht, da P!nk eigentlich auftreten soll)

Patchy: (zum Kameramann) „Ach, das interessiert doch kein Schwein! (der Kameramann deutet immer noch auf das Schild) Und ohne weitere Vorreden bitte ich um Applaus für SpongeBoob Schwammkooopf!“

(SpongeBob erscheint nicht)

Patchy: „Äh, ohne weitere Vorreden, bitte ich um Applaus für SpongeBooob Schwammkooopf!“

(SpongeBob erscheint wieder nicht)

Patchy: „Ähähäh. (Potty erscheint und flüstert Patchy was ins Ohr) Waas? Was soll das bitte heißen, er kommt nicht? 10 Jahre lang bin ich nun Präsident von seinen Fan-Club.“

(Patchy deutet auf einen Sack voll mit Briefen)

Patchy: „Keinen meiner Briefe hat er je beantwortet!“

(Patchy zeigt ein Bild)

Patchy: „Nie kam er zu meinen Wohltätigkeitsveranstaltungen! Und jetzt stell ich ’ne Fernsehgala vom Allerfeinsten für ihn auf die Beine und der Herr hat’s noch immer nicht nötig aufzutauchen. (Patchy geht raus aus den Studios) Na warte, das woll’n wir doch mal sehen.“

(Der Kameramann ist verwirrt)

Patchy: (Patchy geht zu seinen Bootsauto) „Du willst wohl, dass ich ernst mache, dann mache ich jetzt auf Ernst! Meine Einladungen verschmeinen, nichts da. (Patchy macht die Alarmanlage aus und den Anker ins Boot) Ich bin ein Fan seit Anbeginn und, (sieht das er einen Strafzettel bekommen hat) Oh! Och Manno! Oh!“

(Patchy wirft den Zettel weg, setzt sich ins Boot und fährt weg, die eigentliche Geschichte beginnt)

In SpongeBobs Haus

(Bei SpongeBob wird es Tag, Gary schläft und schnarcht, plötzlich fangen dutzende von Weckern an zu klingeln, die Wecker bilden eine Reihe bis zu SpongeBobs Nebelhornwecker, welcher tutet und selbst Wecker ausspuckt. SpongeBob stellt die Wecker aus, bis er bei Gary ist)

SpongeBob: „Guuuten Morgen Gary!“
Gary: (unglücklich) „Miau!“
SpongeBob: „Etwas, übertrieben sagst du? Soll ich riskieren, am größten Tag meiner beruflichen Laufbahn zu spät zu kommen? Zum elfundsiebzigsten Betriebsjubiläum der Krossen Krabbe! Ohoho, nein. Das glaube ich eher nicht. Für keinen anständigen Angestellten der Krossen Krabbe käme das in Frage!“

(Die Wecker gehen bis in Thaddäus’ Haus und wecken Thaddäus)

Thaddäus: „Ja was zum Tiefseeteufel?“
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob ruft durch das Fenster) „Wir sehen uns gleich bei der großen Feier, Thaddäus! (Thaddäus schießt SpongeBob mit einen Wecker ab, SpongeBob landet vor Gary) Au! Dass nun schon elfundsiebzig Jahre in die See gegangen ist, unglaublich!“
Gary: (unglücklich) „Miau! Miau! Miau!“
SpongeBob: „Oh! Pass auf dein loses Mundwerk auf! Der heutige Tag soll beschaulicher Besinnung gewidmet sein. Zum Beispiel der Erinnerung an mein allererstes Mal.“

(SpongeBob erinnert sich, wie sein Vater und seine schwangere Mutter zur Krossen Krabbe gingen)

In/Vor der Krossen Krabbe

Harald Schwammkopf: (über die Krosse Krabbe) „Hm. Also ich weiß nicht. Das sieht mir nicht wie ein Familienrestaurant aus.“
Margarethe Schwammkopf: „Oh, dann fragen wir doch unser Baby. Würdest du gerne hier essen?“

(SpongeBob schwimmt als Baby durch den Bauch seiner Mutter und schiebt sie somit in die Krosse Krabbe)

Margarethe Schwammkopf: „Hähähä. Na, das war wohl eindeutig. Und was darf’s sein?“

(SpongeBob guckt durch den Bauchnabel seiner Mutter auf die Speisekarte der Krossen Krabbe)

SpongeBob: „Krabbenburger!“

(Mutter und Harald Schwammkopf essen Krabbenburger, SpongeBob bekommt das ganze Essen durch die Nabelschnur geliefert)

SpongeBob: „Hmm, Leckerschmecker.“ (SpongeBob nimmt seine Nabelschnur und saugt wie aus einen Strohhalm das Essen in seinen Mund)

(Die Rückblende ist vorbei)

In SpongeBobs Haus

SpongeBob: „Das waren noch Zeiten! (zu SpongeBob kommt ein Wecker angeklingelt) Tut mir leid, Gary, wir verschieben die Rückschau. Ich muss mich sputen!“

(Gary faucht den Wecker an, welcher ängstlich weghüpft)

SpongeBob: „Ich dachte nie, dass ich mal so’ne Chance krieg, und sich mein größter Traum erfüllt, yeah!
Denn jeder Burger ist für mich ein kleiner Sieg. Hab ich ihn warm und kross gegrillt, yeah!

Heute wird’s so schön wie nie zuvor sein. 
Das wird ein Tag, den man nie vergisst.
Das ist cool, und da muss ich mich so freuen, dass es mir ganz warm und kuschelig ist.

Ein Wunder muss ganz einfach unbegreiflich sein, doch wenn’s passiert, muss man bereit sein.
Dieses Wunder geht mir glatt durch Mark und Bein, ich könnt’ den ganzen Tag „Hurra“ schrei’n.

Heute wird’s so schön wie nie zuvor sein. 
Das wird ein Tag, den man nie vergisst.
Das ist cool, und da muss ich mich so freuen, dass es mir ganz warm und kuschelig ist.

Sicher, ich muss jeden Tag zur Arbeit geh’n.
Ich glaube nur, man muss das so seh’n: Wenn man seine Arbeit nämlich wirklich liebt, dann gibt es
nichts, was einem mehr gibt.

Heute wird’s so schön wie nie zuvor sein. 
Das wird ein Tag, den man nie vergisst.
Das ist cool, und da muss ich mich so freuen, dass es mir ganz warm und kuschelig ist.“

(SpongeBob rennt aus dem Haus)

In der Schneckenstraße

(SpongeBob will zu Krossen Krabbe rennen, kommt allerdings nicht weit da eine riesige Schlange vor der Krossen Krabbe steht die bis zu SpongeBobs Haus geht, SpongeBob rennt gegen Harold)

Harold: „Hehe! Mach hier nicht so ein Alarm! Es gibt auch noch andere Leute, die gerne in die Krosse Krabbe wollen!“

(SpongeBob sieht die lange Schlange vor der Krossen Krabbe)

SpongeBob: (sieht auf die Uhr) „Aber ich hab keine Zeit Schlange zu stehen! Tut mir leid, heute muss ich pünktlich sein!“

(SpongeBob springt auf die Köpfe der Leute, wobei mehrere Aua! sagen)

Mable: „Was soll das?“
Fisch: „Frechheit!“
Eisverkäuferin: „Aber nein!“
Billy: „Aua!“
Fred: „Was denn?“
SpongeBob: „Vergebt mir Fischköpfe, Mr. Krabs braucht mich!“

(SpongeBob hüpft über den Rest der Fische, vor der Krossen Krabbe schlüpft er durch die Tür)

In der Krossen Krabbe

(SpongeBob hat sich durch die Tür gequetscht und landet in Mr. Krabs Armen)

SpongeBob: „Melde mich zum Dienst, Sir!“
Mr. Krabs: „Setz dich, Jung!“ (Mr. Krabs setzt SpongeBob zum Tisch, wo auch Thaddäus sitzt)
SpongeBob: (zu Thaddäus) „Ne’n schönen elfundsiebzigsten wünsch ich!“
Mr. Krabs: „Es ist ein großer Tag für die Krosse Krabbe, also hört gut zu, Crew.“

(Mr. Krabs drückt einen Knopf, die gesamte Krosse Krabbe wird abgeriegelt)

Mr. Krabs: „Das ist die perfekte Gelegenheit für Plankton, die Geheimformel für die Krabbenburger zu klauen.“

(Mr. Krabs zieht ein Stück von einem Tisch raus, an der Stelle erscheint ein Gerät, was eine holografische Darstellung der Krossen Krabbe zeigt)

Thaddäus: „Das ist doch bloß die Krosse Krabbe.“
Mr. Krabs: „Nicht doch! Das ist eine holografische Darstellung der Krossen Krabbe. Ich will, dass ihr alle Ein- und Ausgänge im Auge behaltet.“
Thaddäus: „Sie meinen die Vorder- und die Hintertür?“
Mr. Krabs: „Das sind nur die an der Oberfläche. (Mr. Krabs drückt einen Knopf, unter der Hologramm-Krosse-Krabbe erscheint ein unterirdisches System) Es gibt auch ein unterirdisches System von Tunneln und Luftschächten. Und ihr richtet all eure Augen auch darauf.“
SpongeBob: „Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs!“

(In SpongeBobs Löchern erscheinen Augen)

Mr. Krabs: „Ok! Prägt euch den Plan ein, seit äußerts wachsam, und schlaft nicht bei der Arbeit ein, vor allem du, Thaddäus.“
Thaddäus: „Was? Unverschämtheit, ich bin noch nie bei der Arbeit eingeschlafen!“
Mr. Krabs: „Soll ich deinem Gedächtnis nachhelfen?“

(Eine Rückblende erscheint, in der Thaddäus am Tresen, im Putzschrank, auf einen Tisch, an dem zwei Kunden etwas essen wollen, mit dem Kopf im Waschbecken und auf der Toilette schläft)

Thaddäus: „Gut, ja, ich gebs zu.“ (Mr. Krabs schaltet das Hologramm aus)
Mr. Krabs: „Weiterhin stelle ich euch gegen Plankton zusätzliches Sicherheitspersonal zur Seite.“

(Patrick erscheint)

Thaddäus: „Und das besteht aus Patrick?“
Mr. Krabs: „Ich werf doch mein Geld nicht für teure Wachschutzleute raus! Du bist mein erster Abwehrriegel, Patrick. Also halt aufmerksam Ausschau nach verdächtigen Figuren.“
Patrick: „Ja, Sir! (Patrick sieht sich um, erblickt Thaddäus und drückt ihn an die Wand) Raus mit der Sprache: Wer bist du und für wen arbeitest du?“
Mr. Krabs: „Hahaha, Plankton hat nicht den Hauch einer Chance!“

Im Abfalleimer

(Vor dem Abfalleimer hängt ein Plakat mit der Aufschrift „Celebraiting 50 Years of Failure“)

Plankton: (zu Karen) „Das ist ’ne Verschwörung in Gange, das sag ich dir. 1003mal hatte ich beinahe diese Formel in der Hand und 1003mal hat mich dieser Krabs, ne’n Abflug machen lassen. Er feiert elfundsiebzig Jahre des Erfolgs und ich sitz hier nach tausenden von Tagen des totalen Versagens. Ich geb auf, Karen, Krabs hat gewonnen.“ (Plankton weint)
Karen: „Also mit dieser jämmerlichen Einstellung bekommst du die Formel nie. Vielleicht wird ja die 1004 zu deiner Glückszahl.“
Plankton: „So, und übernimmst du den Abflug?“
Karen: „Ach ja, die Abflüge. (Karen ladet die Abflüge) Die liegen alle noch auf meiner Festplatte.“ (Plankton fängt wieder an zu weinen)

(Karen zeigt die Abflüge)

Vor der Krossen Krabbe

(Karen zeigt die verschieden Abflüge: Zuerst spielt Mr. Krabs, natürlich immer in den passenden Sachen, Baseball mit Plankton, er wirft ihn gegen den Abfalleimer, Plankton sagt Au)

Mr. Krabs: (steht in Golfsachen da und legt Plankton auf einen Trichter, Mr. Krabs hebt den Schläger) „Vorsicht!“ (Plankton wird auf den Abfalleimer geschossen)

(Mr. Krabs reitet auf einem Seepferd und schlägt Plankton mit einem Poloschläger, der wieder gegen den Abfalleimer fliegt, des Weiteren schießt er noch mit einer Schleuder, er spielt Eishockey und Curling, wobei SpongeBob ebenfalls mitmacht, Mr. Krabs spielt mit SpongeBob American Football, zuletzt geht er normal aus der Krossen Krabbe, mit Plankton in der Klaue)

Mr. Krabs: „Ich bin heute müde, Plankton. Du musst dich selbst um deinen Abflug kümmern.“ (Mr. Krabs lässt Plankton los und geht in die Krosse Krabbe)

(Plankton geht traurig zum Abfalleimer, sieht die Flecken von den vorherigen Abflügen und stößt selbst gegen den Abfalleimer)

Plankton: „Platsch.“ (Plankton weint, das Video ist vorbei)

Zurück im Abfalleimer

(Karen lacht)

Plankton: „Karen!“
Karen: „Tut mir leid! (Karen stellt das Video aus) Aber der Schluss bringt mich jedes Mal zum Lachen.“
Plankton: (Plankton springt von seinem Schreibtisch) „Es ist sinnlos, aus, Ende.“
Karen: „Aber heute ist der perfekte Tag, um die Geheimformel zu stehlen. Krabs wird von den ganzen Feierlichkeiten völlig abgelenkt sein, du schaffst das schon.“
Plankton: „Wirklich? Glaubst du?“
Karen: „Ja, aber natürlich. Wer ist denn mein großer Mann, he?“
Plankton: „Ach, hör auf Karen.“
Karen: „Komm schon, komm schon. Wer ist mein großer, starker Mann?“
Plankton: „Oh, ich bin’s.“
Karen: „Ganz genau! Und jetzt geh da raus und stiehl diese Formel.“
Plankton: „Ja, Mam!“

In Patchys Studios

(Im grünen Raum sind alle prominenten Gäste die Patchy eingeladen hat, alle bereiten sich vor, P!nk sitzt in Piratenkleider auf der Couch)

P!nk: „Und dafür lass ich mein Hawaiurlaub sausen? Ich fass es nicht.“

(Neben P!nk sitzt Sir Quentin mit seiner Handpuppe Mr. Tinder)

Sir Quentin: (als Mr. Tinder) „Ich find deine Musik richtig klasse!“
P!nk: „Memo: Bald läuft mein Agent über die Planke.“
Die Königin: (über die Ananas) „Wie soll man denn so etwas bitteschön essen?“

(Potty kommt durch die Tür)

Potty: „Ar, kann ich euch irgendetwas bringen?“
Die Königin: „Obst ohne Panzer drumherum, bitte!“
P!nk: „Eine Passage auf der nächsten Schaluppe hier raus?“ (P!nk telefoniert wieder)
Potty: „Nur noch 5 Minuten, Ar!“ (Potty geht)
Sänger von P!nk: „Wenn wir nicht jetzt sofort hier…“ (P!nk redet weiter)
P!nk: „Tja, hat ja kein Zweck dazusitzen wie miesgelaunte Miesmuscheln auf ne'r Muschelbank. Ich schlag vor, wir üben’s noch mal!“
Alle Sänger: „Ja!“

(P!nk und die Sänger singen das Lied Skorbut, der deutsche Text wird als Untertitel gezeigt)

P!nk: „1,2,3,4 
Our gum’s are black our teeth are falling out
We got spots on our backs so give it up and shout
We got Scurvy we need some vitamin C
We got Scurvy we need a lemon tree
We got Scurvy we're just chillin' on the sea
Lets get this Scurvy started
A pirate ain't worthy
Till he got some Scurvy
Since you've got your Scurvy on your nervy when you sing that song
Scurvy (Scurvy)
We got Scurvy (scurvy)
We got Scurvy (scurvy)
We got Scurvy (scurvy)“

Vor der Krossen Krabbe

(Mr. Krabs hat die Metallwand wieder geöffnet, vor der Krossen Krabbe steht immer noch die Menge, jetzt stehen sie aber nicht mehr in der Schlange)

Alle: „Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger!“

In der Krossen Krabbe

Mr. Krabs: „Nun, setzen wir noch ein paar tolle Jubiläumsangebote auf die Karte.“

(Mr. Krabs schreibt Nullen hinter die Preise)

Mr. Krabs: „Krabbenburger: 20.00$. 39.00$. 30.00$. (lacht) Ach, du süße kleine Null, ich lieb dich wirklich ganz doll. SpongeBob!“ (SpongeBob kommt angelaufen)
SpongeBob: „Ja, Sir!“
Mr. Krabs: (Mr. Krabs schreibt sich etwas auf) „Du bist verantwortlich für die Dekoration.“
SpongeBob: (traurig) „Oh, aber Mr. Krabs.“
Mr. Krabs: „Ja, Min Jung?“
SpongeBob: „Sollte nicht ich für die Deko verantwortlich sein?“
Mr. Krabs: (verwirrt) „Hä? Bist du doch auch.“
SpongeBob: (glücklich) „Echt ich? Yeah! (SpongeBob läuft vor Mr. Krabs herum) Yeah! Yeah!“
Mr. Krabs: (schreibt sich wieder was auf) „Thaddäus! Ich hätte auch Aufgaben für dich, aber du würdest sie sowieso nicht erledigen.“
Thaddäus: „Und sie haben nur elfundsiebzig Jahre gebraucht, um das zu merken?“
Mr. Krabs: (zu SpongeBob) „Hier ist dein BJ, Jung. (Mr. Krabs gibt SpongeBob 50 Ct) Dekorier damit was und wie du willst.“
SpongeBob: „Wow! 50 Ct!“
Thaddäus: „Sie lassen SpongeBob hier dekorieren? Erinneren Sie sich noch an die anderen Anlässe zu dehnen er „dekoriert“ hat?“

(SpongeBob, Thaddäus und Mr. Krabs erinneren sich daran, als SpongeBob umdekoriert hat)

Alle: „Hm!“

Früher

(SpongeBob hat die Krosse Krabbe in eine Art Wüste umdekoriert, 2 Fische sitzen an einen Tisch, auf dem ein Schädel steht)

SpongeBob: (trägt ein Cowboyhut) „Jie-Ha! Hahaha!“

(SpongeBob hat die Krosse in eine Disko umdekoriert, dieselben Fische sitzen am Tisch mit einer Lavalampe)

SpongeBob: (trägt eine schwarze Perücke) „Hi, bist du öfter hier? Hahaha!“

(SpongeBob hat die Krosse Krabbe in die Oberfläche des Mondes umdekoriert, die Fische sitzen mit Helmen am Tisch, Thaddäus trägt auch ein Helm, als die Luke sich öffnet, strömt Thaddäus hinein)

Thaddäus: (schwebt im Weltall) „Aaaaah!“
SpongeBob: (schwebt mit Helm herum und brät Burger) „Hahahaha!“

Zurück in der Gegenwart

Alle: „Hm!“
Mr. Krabs: (zu Thaddäus) „Okay, machst du das dann?“
Thaddäus: „Äh, nö!“
Mr. Krabs: „Dann halt die Fressluke!“
Thaddäus: „Gut, ich mache meine Wörterschotten dicht, Sir!“

(Thaddäus und Mr. Krabs gehen; SpongeBob schaut das Geld an und freut sich. Mit fröhlichem Gesicht läuft er in die Toiletten und nimmt sich mit einer Zange das pinke Toilettenpapier. Mit dem Klopapier schwingt er durch die Lüfte und verziert einen Pfeiler damit. Anschließend tanzt er auf einem Tisch und verziert diesen mit pinken Schleifen. Als nächstes bindet er Patrick eine pinke Schleife, sodass er viel muskulöser aussieht, und Thaddäus die Mundwinkel nach oben. )

Thaddäus: „Was soll..“
SpongeBob: „So wirds schön!“

(SpongeBob läuft weiter, verziert auch die Fenster mit Schleifen aus dem Toilettenpapier und tanzt mit ihm. Nun steigt er in der Küche abwechselnd auf Ketchup und Senf, sodass die Spritzer daraus die englischen Worte 'Eleventy Seventy Anniversary' (Elfundsiebzigstes Jubiläum) auf einem Plakat ergeben. Jetzt verziert er auch die Türrahmen sowie die Tische mit Ketchup und Senf. Anschließend spritzt er Ketchup und Senf wild durch die Gegend und bläst einen Krabbenburger-Ballon auf, der, gleich nachdem ihn SpongeBob loslässt, zur Decke fliegt und sich dort mit mehreren dieser Ballons befindet. Auch die Tische haben noch ein paar von diesen Ballons abbekommen. Zum Schluss fliegt SpongeBob mit einem der Ballons zum Boden und lässt ihn los.)

SpongeBob: (zu Mr. Krabs) „Ihr Wechselgeld, Sir. (gibt Mr. Krabs die 50 Cent)“
Mr. Krabs: „Gute Arbeit, Jung. Was, das ist alles? (SpongeBob geht weg; Mr. Krabs holt sein Abhackbrettchen) Dekoration erledigt. Wachschutz (Patrick steht vor einer Tür, aus der Thaddäus kommt. Patrick packt Thaddäus und checkt ihn grob gegen eine Wand. Der Tintenfisch verliert zwei Zähne und sagt „Aaaah!“) erledigt.“

Vor der Krossen Krabbe

Kunden vor der Krossen Krabbe: „Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger! ..“

In der Krossen Krabbe

Mr. Krabs: (schaut auf seine Uhr) „Ok, sperrt die Lauscher auf. Diese Leute sind aus der ganzen Gegend hierhergekommen, weil sie meine Burger so gern mögen. Daher legt sich jeder Angestellte heute besonders ins Zeug!“
Thaddäus: (hockt gelangweilt an einem Tisch; zu SpongeBob) „Kriegst du irgendwas von dem Geschwafel mit?“
SpongeBob: „Jedes einzelne Wort, Kollege. Jedes einzelne Wort.“
Mr. Krabs: (freudig) „Dann lassen wir die Leute jetzt rein und verkaufen ihnen Jubiläumskrabbenburger!“
SpongeBob: (erfreut) „Jaaa! Jaaa! Oh, hätt ich fast vergessen. Einen Moment noch, ja, ich hätte da noch was für die Deko. (geht in die Küche; vor dem Kühlraum) Ich präsentiere euch (legt einen Hebel nach oben, zieht dann an einem Griff. Zuerst ganz leicht, doch dann mit aller Kraft) Ich präsentiere euch..äaaaaaaahau. (der Griff fliegt mit voller Wucht nach hinten, wo Thaddäus plötzlich 'Au!' schreit; SpongeBob dreht sich um, Thaddäus liegt mit Schmerzen am Boden)“

(Nun betreten alle den Kühlraum und staunen)

SpongeBob: „Meine Ode an den Krabbenburger. (Man sieht einen großen Krabbenburger aus Eis auf einem Stiel aus Eis.) Sie besteht vollständig aus Eis.“
Mr. Krabs: „Ach, hör mir auf, Jung. (SpongeBob, Patrick, Thaddäus und Mr. Krabs gehen näher zur Statue) Dieses Ding ist gigantisch!“
Thaddäus: (fröstelt) „Und kaaalt.“
Mr. Krabs: „Schaffen wir’s hier raus, denn die Kundschaft wartet. (Mr. Krabs, Thaddäus und Patrick stehen hinter der Statue, SpongeBob davor)“
SpongeBob: „Auf die Plätze, fertig.“

(Alle versuchen die Statue aus dem Kühlraum zu bringen, Mr. Krabs, Thaddäus und Patrick drücken von hinten, SpongeBob von vorne. Plötzlich fliegt SpongeBob durch seine Kraft nach hinten in die Küche, prallt von der Wand ab und wieder hinein in den Kühlraum. Durch den Wind, den SpongeBob dadurch verursacht, geht die Tür zu und der Hebel fällt nach unten. Im Kühlraum fliegt SpongeBob gegen die Statue.)

Mr. Krabs, Thaddäus und Patrick: „Aaaaaaaaaaah!“
SpongeBob: „Leute, mir geht’s gut, kein Grund zum Kreischen.“
Mr. Krabs und Thaddäus: (rennen SpongeBob um und klopfen verzweifelt an der Tür) „Aaaaaaaaaah!“
SpongeBob: „Oh nein! Patrick steh auf! Wir sind eingeschlossen! (nimmt Patrick an der Brust) Das verdirbt uns das schöne elfundsiebzigste Jubiläum!“

Vor der Krossen Krabbe

Kunden: „Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabben..“

Im Kühlraum der Krossen Krabbe

(Mr. Krabs und Thaddäus klopfen weiter an der Tür.)

SpongeBob: „Wie kommen wir hier raus?“
Mr. Krabs: „Beruhigt euch erst mal, Leute. Mein Leben lang bin ich schon in diesem Restaurant und ich weiß, dass es nur einen Weg gibt, hier rauszukommen.“
Patrick: „Das Abitur zu machen?“
Mr. Krabs: „Das wohl eher nicht. Der Luftschacht. (zeigt auf den Luftschacht über der Statue; nimmt eine Leiter, klettert damit auf die Statue, legt das Gitter des Luftschachts weg und schaut hinein.) Meine Weichtiere, hier entlang. (geht in den Luftschacht, gefolgt von SpongeBob, Thaddäus, der von Patrick reingecheckt wird, und Patrick.)“

In einem Luftschacht der Krossen Krabbe

(Mr. Krabs, Thaddäus, SpongeBob und Patrick erreichen einen Zwischen„raum“, von dem sehr viele andere Luftschächte ausgehen.)

Mr. Krabs: „Und jetzt kriechen wir einfach durch den Schacht hier vorne.“
Thaddäus: „Aber durch welchen, hier gibt’s so viele davon?“
SpongeBob: „Keine Angst, ich habe mir den Plan genauestens eingeprägt. (drückt, sodass der Plan auf seinem Rücken erscheint)“
Mr. Krabs: „Äh, äh.“
SpongeBob: (verausgabt) „Beeilt euch mal, das strengt ganz schön an.“
Mr. Krabs: „Also laut diesem Plan geht’s zuerst gradeaus, dann rechts zwischen den drei V-liegenden Baumstümpfen hindurch und dann auf diesen Soßenfleck zu, der aussieht wie eine Kidneybohne.“
Thaddäus: „Das ist nicht der Plan, Sie alter Dosenhering, das sind drei Leberflecken und ein Muttermal! (man sieht die Leberflecken und das Muttermal auf SpongeBobs Rücken)“
Mr. Krabs: „Oh, na gut, versuchen wir’s mit dem hier. (zeigt auf einen Luftschacht)“

(Alle vier fallen runter, weil der Luftschacht senkrecht nach unten geht und erst später waagrecht verläuft.)

Thaddäus: „Es ist der hier.“

(Wieder fallen sie runter, nur diesmal nicht so lange.)

Patrick: „Das ist er.“

(Erneut fallen sie schreiend runter, später verläuft der Schacht wie eine Rutsche, und landen in einem kleinen „Raum“.)

Mr. Krabs: „Ooooohweia! (sieht ein kleines Papier am Boden) Hey, was ist das denn? Ein altes Krabbenburger-Einwickel-Papier. (Man sieht das Papier, auf dem fünf Sterne, ein Krabbenburger und die englischen Worte 'Krabby Patty' (dt. Krabbenburger) zu sehen sind.) Ahahaha! Das erinnert mich an die guten alten Zeiten.“

(Alle erinnern sich.)

Früher

(In der schwarz-weißen Erinnerung hockt ein Schwamm mit Windeln vor einem Fernseher. Der Schwamm freut sich als eine Stimme im Fernsehen spricht.)

Stimme aus dem Fernseher: „Und nun ein Beitrag unseres Sponsors.“

(Im Fernseher ist das Wort 'Krabbenburger' zu sehen. Eine Stimme im Hintergrund singt das folgende Lied.)

K R A B - B E N - B U R G E R
Krabbenburger, beiß doch mal rein
Mr. Krabs: (als Arzt verkleidet) Und dann kauft sie bei mir ein
Stimme: Einer erst, dann zwei, dann drei 
Und dann ist jeder Mann mit dabei

Kommentator: „Ja, liebe Leute, neun von zehn Ärzten empfehlen den Verzehr von mindestens einem Krabbenburger täglich. Für ein gesundes Leben und eine jugendliche Ausstrahlung.“
Mr. Krabs: (als Arzt verkleidet) „Ich bin Arzt, zumindest sieht es so aus. Und ich sage Ihnen: Krabbenburger lassen sie länger leben. Worauf warten Sie also noch? Holen Sie sich Ihren Krabbenburger! Oder eine ganze Tüte voll. Oder noch besser: Sie kaufen gleich eine ganze Kiste Krabbenburger! Für Ihre Gesundheit!“

Stimme: K R A B - B E N - B U R G E R
Krabbenburger

(Der kleine Schwamm, der die ganze Zeit voller Begeisterung zugeschaut hat, geht nun zur Krossen Krabbe. Dort ist ein glücklicher Tintenfisch an der Kasse, der in dieser zahlreiche Krabbenburger vorfindet, von denen er dem Schwamm und seinen Eltern je einen gibt. Der Schwamm beißt in den Burger und es schmeckt ihm sehr gut.)

(Die Erinnerung ist zu Ende)

Zurück in der Gegenwart

Mr. Krabs: (fröhlich) „Ah, damals kostete ein Krabbenburger grade mal ein paar Cent. (grimmig) Es war eine ganz schlimme, finstere Zeit. (ängstlich) Ich hab immer noch Albträume. (schwitzt; in seinen Augen sieht man je ein 10-Cent-Stück)“
Thaddäus: (weint) „Wir kommen hier nie wieder raus!“
SpongeBob: „Doch, das schaffen wir schon! Wir finden hier raus und feiern das beste elfundsiebzigste Jubiläum aller Zeiten! Wir müssen nur dicht zusammenbleiben!“

(Alle vier kriechen dicht zusammen vorwärts. Patrick, der hinter Thaddäus ist, atmet laut.)

Thaddäus: (verärgert) „Atme mir nicht so in den Hals, bäh!“

(Patrick hält die Luft an. Doch nachdem er sie eine Zeit lang angehalten, ist er außer Puste und atmet Thaddäus an den Kopf.)

Mr. Krabs: „Hey, ich glaub, ich seh den Ausgang! (kriecht weiter, öffnet eine Tür und landet in einem Raum; verärgert) Ach, Walfischdreck, das ist nur der Überwachungsraum!“
SpongeBob: (schaut auf einen Monitor) „Oh, mein Haus ist ja im Fernsehen.“
Thaddäus: „Wie's aussieht sind alle unsre Häuser im Fernsehen.“

(Auf einem der Monitore sieht man Gary fröhlich miauend auf SpongeBobs Bett rumhüpfen.)

SpongeBob: (verärgert) „Herr Schneckerich, du kommst auf der Stelle aus dem Bett raus!“
Patrick: (zeigt auf einen anderen Monitor; fröhlich) „He, das ist ja in meinem Haus, oder?“

(Man sieht den Echt aussehenden Fischkopf in Patricks Fernseher.)

Thaddäus: „Du hast die Glotze angelassen.“
Patrick: „Ja, na und, ich will doch meine Serie nicht verpassen.“
SpongeBob: (zeigt auf einen anderen Monitor) „Guckt mal, da ist Sandy. (Man sieht Sandy, wie sie sich die Zähne putzt.)“
Thaddäus: „Mr. Krabs, wieso lassen Sie uns mit Kameras überwachen?“
Mr. Krabs: (verlegen) „Tja nun, ich ähm, will doch nur sicher sein, dass ihr euch nach jeder Mahlzeit die Zähne putzt.“
SpongeBob: „Vielen Dank, Mr. Krabs, Zahnhygiene ist unheimlich wichtig.“
Patrick: (zeigt auf einen anderen Monitor) „Und wer sind die da eigentlich? (Auf dem Monitor sieht man Patrick, SpongeBob, Thaddäus und Mr. Krabs)“
SpongeBob: „Na ja, ich glaub, das sind wir. (dreht sich um, man sieht einen Kameramann und einen Tonmann, die SpongeBob & Co gerade filmen) Hey, und wer sind die?“

(Der Tonmann nimmt den Kameramann, legt ihn in einen Luftschacht und klettert ebenfalls in den Luftschacht. Beide verschwinden. Von draußen hört man die Kunden schreien, Mr. Krabs sieht sie außerdem auf einem Monitor.)

Kunden: „Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger!“
Mr. Krabs: „Ah, langsam wird die Kundschaft unruhig.“

Vor der Krossen Krabbe

Kunden: „Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger! Wir wollen Krabbenburger!“
Fortsetzung folgt

← Staffel 5 Mitschriften – Staffel 6 Staffel 7 →

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